


Un/expectations

by orphan_account



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anal Fingering, Anal Masturbation, Body Worship, Come Sharing, Desire appears, Dissociative Identity Disorder, First Crush, First Love, First Meetings, First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mental Institutions, Mutual Masturbation, Noiz only feels Aoba, POV First Person, Rimming, Sexual Fantasy, i made koujaku an idiot i'm sorry, lotsa kissin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:28:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4687259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU in which Aoba fights against nervousness, awkwardness and new experiences... a crush being something he never expected to be one in the list.<br/>NoiAo in which Noiz is able to magically feel Aoba only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an attempt at humor fic that I started to try to relax... well, it didn't work, I put as much energy in this as the others except for my main one.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy some silliness. <3

~

Hi. I'm Aoba. I began college a few months ago and currently live there... I actually didn't know such a thing could be done - live at college I mean - and didn't really know if I really wanted to... but my Granny insisted, so here I am.

She assured me it was going to do me good because I spent all my life locked at home and it was about time I get a hang of how the world works outside and stuff like that.

In my defense, I don’t remember like half my life because I have a seriously big memory loss gap - And also... it is still mostly _her_ fault for thinking home-schooling was better for me but suddenly not anymore... shmeh.

... she also told me she would be able to die peacefully if she could somehow make sure I had a good future ahead of me and was able to find a good job.

 

I wish she didn’t say such depressing things...

 

But anyway! Of course it is to assume that I am completely socially awkward and afraid of people... but luckily, that was only the first week or less! - apparently I have natural talent for being liked or something like that... or so I was told by some people I met here. These people I'm talking about are Koujaku, Mizuki and their ‘bands’ of whatever they like to call them. They are way more popular than me but told me that they like me and to have lunch with them. And that's exactly what I do, almost everyday. Also, they insist me to join the bands _almost everyday_ too, which is... well, _very_ annoying.

I don't intend to get myself into trouble, I have a scholarship I must keep. For granny's sake.

So, resuming the story -- Mizuki and specially Koujaku have these huge fan girl groups that seem to follow them everywhere - It turned from cute to just plain annoying very fast... _Specially_  since some girls feel like trying to hit on me too all of a sudden, totally oblivious of what I am. I ignored them so rumours about me being gay spread like the flu.

I seriously thought that would be the end of me and my new freindship... but to my surprise, Koujaku and Mizuki stayed the same. Not quite the same exactly... maybe even better, more caring, more protective... It's not like I'm a girl, sheesh.... but I'd lie if I said I didn't like the attention. Being such a friendless guy for so long and all.

But all good things have a bad one, right? Koujaku started being _overly_ protective... which gets really troublesome sometimes. You see... he doesn't understand that the closer he gets to me, the more vicious his fan girl base become. 

To the extent that they eyes almost glimmer in hatred. Some of them even start bleeding by their nose, whaaat in the hell. Soo creepy. I didn't know women could be so creepy.

And the saddest thing is... I'm not even gay! Their despise for me is completely misled. You see, I'm asexual _and a_ romantic. I don't feel those kind of emotions, I just don't... 

 

Or so I thought.

 

Let me explain a little bit more before we get there. When I moved here, I shared the dorm with no one -- they told me someone was occupying the place soon... but  meanwhile I was really really glad I had the first week for myself so I could adapt easier before he came along. They told me a bit about the guy whom I was going to share the dorm with: a prodigy german kid that had been homeschooled too. Also definitely younger. Just that.

Ok! No prob! foreign and younger kid who is like me who I can probably put him under my wing cause I’m doing pretty good so far. Got it!

Not got it. At all. I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

It was a Monday afternoon after class when we first met, exactly the date and time we were supposed to meet. I enter the dorm and I spot a blond kid with a lot of piercings resting on top of the bed farthest away from the door. My bed. I had picked that bed. I don’t like being so close to the door. Hence, I chose the bed furthest from it.

He has his laptop over his waist, his suitcase untouched and open handbag on the floor beside him. He doesn't even gaze up when I enter.

_Tch._

Ok... maybe he didn't notice I arrived?

“Umm… that’s the bed I chose, could you please go to the other one?” I ask politely. It should have been obvious it was mine though, it has my light blue blanket on it and some of my stuff in the nightstand next to it. It's pretty clear.

But it seems like his eyes were glued to the screen or something cause it takes him some effort to avert his gaze from it and actually look at me. Actually maybe I’d prefer if he didn’t look at me at all because he stares at me and says nothing. And his eyes are the most intense thing I have ever seen and I can’t stop staring at them back.

Silence thick as tar surrounded the place and I felt like drowning in slow motion.

I start to get really nervous… and that means I start thinking crap.

“Oh, sorry, I’m Aoba… you are?” I start again, thinking that perhaps he didn’t answer because he thought I was rude for not introducing myself first. Where are my manners.

Silence. His eyes pierce me before he looks down his screen again.

That is so rude. Why is he not answering?

“Are you listening to me?” I ask, a little louder.

“Noiz.” he says after a while.

_What does that mean..._ I wonder, so then I think. _\-- Wait!_   _Oooh! yeah! he is foreign, so he probably doesn’t understand me and ‘noiz’ means something in german, I get it._

Of course I was wrong again. For starters, how could he be studying here as a regular if he didn’t know crap about the language?

“Ah~” I begin yet again “I am…-” I slowly pronounce while signaling myself very expressively “- ...A-o-ba.” I say and tap my chest two times.

“And… _you_??” I ask while signaling him. Yeah, I also pause between words because I think that will make me more understandable. Why.

He looks at me as if I just grew another fucking head.

“I’m Jane. Are you shitting me? Noiz is my _name_.” he answers quite pissed off.

His Japanese is perfect.

“Oh fuck, I thought… wait, aren't you foreign? And what was that about Jane - Oh… nevermind. I didn’t mean to sound like Tarzan, you know. ” I start to banter about. I believe I already said how bad I am when I’m nervous.

“So being foreign is the same as being an idiot to you?” he asks bluntly. Great, I offended him.

“Of course not. In fact, I was acknowledged of the fact that I was going to share the dorm with a younger student with exceptional capabilities”. Yeah. I say that, like _that_. My logic at that time was that maybe if I sounded more intellectual somehow could balance how stupid I sounded before. It actually made it worse, I'm certain.

Again he doesn’t say anything but he gives this one sided tiny smile that sent strong shivers through my spine and made my hair of my arms stand on end.

What the hell was that.

I don't understand what’s going on with me so I start getting mad.

“ _Tche_. So you clearly understood me before. Get out of my bed and go to the other one.” I say, straightening my posture. Ike a bird puffing it's feathers.

“I don’t want to.” he says blankly.

Did he really say that? He doesn’t _want_ to?

I’m probably blushing from anger because he is looking at my cheeks and my pursed lips so bluntly.

My body does these weird reactions that confuse me again. It makes me even angrier.

“I came here _first_. Those are _my_ things. Get to the other bed. _Now_.” I order with my fists clenched.

“No.” he dares say.

“You little - ”

_Ok, stop, I know how to deal with this_ I think to myself - _Exactly like my Granny does whenever I act spoiled or immature_.

And at the time I didn't care if I was going to be expelled for violent conduct because I really wanted to smack him in the head _really_ hard. So I stride to him, but before I delivered his so deserved smack - he speaks.

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll move.” he says tiredly as he closes his laptop and gets up.

“Good.” I say as I cross my arms on my chest, anger somewhat still persistent. He must have seen I was serious. 

“Thank you.” I thank reluctantly.

He side glances at me and lets a dismissive puff of air before he lets himself fall onto the other bed.

I want to take my thanks back. _What a dick._

_So my roommate is a little shit,_ was my slumber conclusion.

I lay down on my reclaimed bed and feel somehow strange when feeling the warmth that lingered. In my defense, I never felt such a thing before - but it isn’t bad, to be honest. It is a little nice, in fact. It is a little chilly at this time of year.

So after I calmed down... I thought I was probably being unfair with my conclusion… he _did_ give me the bed back after all. I look at him, he seems to be deeply concentrating on his screen as he types at the speed of light. It surprises me he isn’t tangling his long slender fingers between themselves. He has really gorgeous hands, doesn’t he?

So that is how I end up shamelessly staring for a while, certain that he was too focused on his stuff to notice me doing so. I lie to myself that I’m just trying to analyse what kind of person he is and let myself ogle at every detail of him.

_I’m sure girls find him really attractive..._  I go around in my head _...even his weird small brows look good, together with his glistening beads all across his face and those incredible lime eyes that seem to pierce into my very soul..._

Crap.

I avert my gaze quickly and start looking at the ceiling. He stopped typing. I can’t help but feel him at the corner of my eye and I wish I didn’t have the impulse to look again to corroborate, because he was indeed still looking at me.

“Like what you see?” he asks in this very calm and a little teasy tone.

“Wh-what!? I’m a guy in case you hadn’t noticed.” I quickly (and poorly) defend myself.

“So?” He asks, eyelashes closing just a bit. My heart skips a beat.

My heart just skipped a beat!?!?

“I-I’m not like that...” I say as I cover my mouth, so my words come out all muffled.

“Hmm...” He hums as in thought. The sound reverberates in the room, it’s so deep.

“First time sharing a room?” he then asks, out of the blue, but still very calm.

How is he able to be so fucking calm.

“Yeah...” I answer, a little suspicious the question came with double meaning. Well, not that I wasn't a virgin anyway. "Homeschooling and all..." I add shyly.

“For me too.” he answers simply before returning to his business and not speaking again for the day.

My heart skips a beat again. I want to freak out, but it’s really strange - it feels really good. Maybe he isn't so bad after all?

Well that’s what I was my conclusion until the following day where he scanned me from head to toe while I was chilling at my bed and gave this little hum that I don't know what the fuck it means but sounded really nice in my ears.

Ok, maybe it _is_ that bad. I don’t know what the hell I should be feeling or doing. What the hell is this. Why is my heart beating so fast?... am I... crushing him? this is it?

Why _him !?_

 

The following days were so confusing. My stomach felt like sinking every time I saw him and every word I would intend to say would inexplicably clog at my throat. It was very troublesome since it seems like he isn't the kind of person who talks if you don’t talk to him first.

So it _is_ a little creepy for me to feel this stuff for him when we barely speak. A little shallow, also. I mean, I don't know him at all. 

_Is this puberty?_

Two weeks pass and no other than brief and uncommitted phrases were shared between us, the ones I was able to utter. It is fair to say that even given all this time, we don’t know each other at all even if we share the same room. Well, to be honest, if we don’t count sleeping hours, we don’t spend _that_ much time together. At mornings we part ways really quickly; whenever I see him in the cafeteria for lunch, I seat with Koujaku and Mizuki, so there we don’t interact at all - and most afternoons he spends them god knows where... So I only see him at late night, when he comes back. Sometimes he brings some pizza. That's all he ever brings.

It concerns me.

Anyway, I have the afternoons just for myself and if I think about it, that’s pretty awesome, so I don’t have much to complain about that!

Sigh, why do I lie. I can’t help looking forward to seeing him again each nigh... even if it’s to share some silence.

Such a weirdo.

Ok, so I have a crush on him. I like another man. I wonder what would Granny think…

Whoa, no, I don't want to think about that just yet.

Whatever, if it is a crush, it is fair to say it is a very superficial one, since I barely know him, right? So It should fade away pretty quickly, right? It shouldn't be a problem at all.

_right...?_

But it is. It’s a problem because as the days pass, it fills my head more and more with unnecessary thoughts. Warm thoughts about those extremely rare moments when he smiles, really warm thoughts about those moments when he shares with me the most unimportant thing. Thoughts about what he possibly thinks, likes and believes… those kind of thoughts that bring all kind of fussy feelings.

And I would have been perfectly fine with the weird fussy feelings I was getting as long as they kept on slow and steady as they were.

But everything gave a huge leap to hell as soon as I stumbled upon this unsettling habit of his.

What habit you ask? Well, last week he suddenly felt like moving around the dorm completely naked... like he was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Yes, naked.

‘What’s the matter?’ he says. ‘We are both guys’ he says.

_What’s the matter!? Everything’s the matter!_

_Specially when you have a pierced dick, for fuck’s sake. Who on earth does that!?_

My mind is suddenly filled these new thoughts. Thoughts that aren’t innocent anymore. I seriously miss the thoughts that I thought were so troublesome before.

This is sooo much more problematic. I start wondering more and more about sex, _all the fucking time._

I seriously didn’t expect that college life would mean to experience this kind of things. It's not like puberty can _really_ happen after certain age.

I'm supposed to be asexual, I didn’t ever feel _any_ real sexual urges until now. And it wasn’t only due to living mostly at home with Granny and not having any friends - I _had_ … _touched myself_ a few times when I found some time alone at home, just to see what was all the internet hype about. I had even watched porn once. But I didn’t feel what I'm feeling now - actually I found it rather disgusting. 

I was perfectly fine with being like that!

That means I'm not fine anymore. And it's particularly troubling because we are both male, for god's sake. It makes me question my entire being. It unsettles me, it’s unfair. The rumours ended up to be true. I'm fucking gay.

 

Well, ok, so I handle it. Some afternoons I use them… to _release_ my frustration when he’s away. Only then I'm able to focus a little more on my studies, I seriously can’t fuck up that, Granny is relying on me.

 

Oh, but he is testing me... I know it.

He is messing with me, with my mind. He must be, because two night ago I caught him watching porn. Heck, I didn’t catch him, catch him. The fucker just clicked play on his laptop without giving any fuck while I was in the same friggin room. Seriously, there’s a limit on how socially unaware one can be.

But the _really_ troubling thing was the kind of porn he clicked play to.

After the tremendous yell I gave, he had the decency to close it.

But the images stuck.

Guy on Guy.

I mean, I now I know that I'm gay... but he's gay too? Aah- and what was that exactly? To do that kind of thing... I know about jerking off and using the mouth and stuff, I’m not _that_ cloud headed - but they used the butt. That isn’t normal, is it? I mean… we use it to poop. 

Ok, Google can go fuck himself.

_Anal sex, pfft. It sounds so fucking gross. How do they even do it? Oh god, that's so unnatural and disgusting. If you have to prepare it so much it clearly means that it isn't meant for that. How could someone even think of it in the first place?_ were my thoughts as I scrolled and scrolled through different web pages and forums. _...Some animals, other than humans, perform anal sex._

_That's totally not true._

_Or is it?_

 

This brings me to present time. Today I hit rock bottom.

Ok, I don’t need anybody to tell me that this is seriously fucked up, I know it, but I can't stop.

I’m taking a shower and I’m using a hell lot of conditioner.

Yeah, there is no way I’d buy something for this purpose alone - and internet approves, so it’ll be fine. It’ll surely be gross anyway and I’ll never do it again. Everything's fine.

Today I’m trying - _that_ \- to release myself and my heart beats as hard against my chest as if I were to kiss Noiz in the mouth.

_Oook_. That made it even worse.

I’m so pathetic even that lame thought arouses me. _Kiss_ Noiz. _Really kiss him_ , like in the movies. _Feel his lips on top of mine moving along with my own ones - his tongue entering my mouth to play with mine. He kisses my neck as he caresses my back, my waist, my butt._

My hand trembles a bit as one of my fingers start probing my entrance. I’m panting gently and bite my lip because I know it’s not right but I'm doing it anyway.

_Noiz gets behind me and takes hold of me gently. No - firmly, possessive. He knows I like it like that and he smiles mischievously._ Fuck I love that smile _. I can feel him rub his dick slickly between my legs, rubbing me, all his piercings tickling me._

_“You want it, don’t you?” He teases me._

Yes. I want it.

I have never done this before. But I want it. I want him to pound inside me. I want him to cum inside me and fill me to the brim. I want to cum to that sensation.

I must be nuts. Butts aren’t designed for this. Yet I have two fingers inside, reaching as far as I can. It burns but I can’t stop, I want more.

_His free hand caresses my chest as he enters me. He is fully inside “Mmm, you feel so good...” he says hotly in my ear before he kisses my neck and thrust deliberately slow._

I place my forehead against the bathroom wall, trying to have some balance as I finger myself and I jerk myself off at the same time. Water continuously falls over my head, drenching my hair. It must be completely rinsed by now. The sound of the shower muffle my embarrassing lewd moans.

_He gets impatient, he feels good, so he grabs me by the hips and pounds into me harder._

I start to feel my orgasm building up and I know it’s going to hit hard.

_He speaks in my ear “Mmm~? More?”_

_Yes. More. I say._

_“Beg.”_

_Fuck. Please. More. Make me beg more._

_He reaches so deep and fast I’m going insane. He tightens up his grip as he pumps faster._

I’m so close, so close.

_“Say my name.”_

“ _No-iz!_ ”

_He reaches his limit, he groans in my ear as climaxes for penetrating me. His cum reaches deep into me and slide through my legs. There is so much._

I cum. I never came so hard in my life. My knees tremble a bit and it’s a little hard to breath because of the steam. Real cum quickly slides down the bathroom tiles along with streams of water.

I masturbated to the fantasy that my roommate, a person who I barely knew - a guy, for crying outloud - fucked me in the ass. Oh, and he is also younger than me.

And apparently it also turns out I’m into some kinky stuff. What _was_ that fantasy? That google search really fucked me up.

I’m the worst. And It would have been so much better if it hadn’t felt that good.

Shame and self disgust is the thing that bathes me, other than water, when the high fades.

~

I clean and dry everything, more than I should, probably. People take showers and a wet tub is supposed to just happen and stay like that until it dries off alone. But I dry it myself anyway and end up using too many towels for everything. There is no Laundry day, there is laundry _days_.

I’m such an idiot.

Feeling like real shit, I step out of the bathroom with one of the towels wrapped up at my waist as I idly comb my long hair with extreme care. I don’t want it to become an impossible painful mat afterwards. Oh, and I also have feeling in my hair, that's another story.

But yet something is not quite right, other than my intense guilt for what I had just done.

I can’t quite pinpoint it. Ok, That’s a lie. I _can_ pinpoint at it. I mentally do so. I mentally pinpoint at it as I mentally scream.

There was a very present Noiz laying in his own bed. Just in briefs and a wrinkled tank top. He has his laptop resting over his waist and one hand behind his head as he types with the other.

I’m lucky that when I’m shocked I just freeze and not actually do anything my mind fantasizes about doing, because to be pointed at with a scream by a nearly nude guy wouldn't be the nicest welcome, I believe.

Well, fuck, at least I’m lucky he barely talks so _I_ don’t have to. I’m really lucky he is so antisocial and expressionless and doesn't like talking, ha ha. I just need to get dressed and act like nothing's happening. Easy peasy.

So I give the step towards my clothes that I so geniously left laying on my bed instead of bringing them to the bathroom.

“Was it good?” he asks.

Wait. 

he talked to me. HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO ME.

“I- uh, what? I mean, what? What?” I ask the same three times. _What did he ask exactly?_

“Was it good…?” he repeats.

_Yeah, it was awesome. I didn’t know the butt could feel like that._

And I must be turning in some tomato man right now because he is staring at me like I was something to be amused of.

Yes, there it is, that damned wicked smile and that pierced semi brow raised. It does things to me.

Not only I’m gay, I also like bad boys. That explains the kinky stuff. I should just go die.

“The shower, I mean.” he clarifies.

Of course he means the shower!!

“Of course you mean the shower. What else would you be referring to?” I say with a real awkward laugh. Ttthat’s how I dig myself deeper.

But luckily, my autopilot turns on and I robotically go fetch my clothing.

“Hah, yeah, I’m gonna dress up now. Bye.” I add as I take the forsaken clothes and lock myself up in the bathroom in a dash.

I realize I didn’t answer him.

“Yeah it was good! I’m clean! Haha!” I yell. _Ugh_. And I’m sure he also heard me bump my head against the door.

Oh my god.

“I’m sorry.” I unnecessary apologize and almost bump my head again.  _Why is he here anyway? He usually isn’t here until late, why today of all days he is here early?_

I think I can hear him laugh. This is completely mortifying. 

“It’s Ok.” he tells me and for some reason it reassures me. It shouldn’t, I think. But well, I muster whatever was left of my dignity, quickly cloth myself up with my lousy pyjamas and step out again, with my chin as high as I can.

He watches me as I get into my own bed without a flinch. I feel self conscious. _So now why is he looking at me? Are my pyjamas that embarrassing? They probably are. Well, I’m not so careless to just stay in briefs like him... ~~probably not as well built either.~~_

A moment passes and he puts his laptop on the nightstand, probably calling it a day for his work, and stands up.

I cover myself with the blankets up to my neck as if that could protect me from whatever I'm afraid of.

“I’m using the shower now.” he says calmly. But he looks at me a moment too long and I'm already sweating underneath all the covers. At least he didn’t wait for an answer before he left because that would have been plain cruel.

As I hear the shower being turned on, I take the covers off of myself with a relieved sigh. But as soon as I let it all out, my thoughts become seriously murderous, so I grab my phone to occupy myself with something, quick quick.

Ah~ I Iook at my wallpaper - the cutest puppy in existence stares at me back with his pinky little tongue sticking out. _Aww, how can he be so cute?_ I miss Ren so much, he would be licking my face and wiggling his fluffy tail to me right now. Such a beautiful and understanding puppy he is. I hope granny is taking good care of him. What am I saying, I'm sure she is.

… I miss Granny too.

_I want to go back. College is hard. Why did I decide to go to college anyway? Homeschooling was perfectly fine. I'm going back!_

I mentally kick myself. _No, I’m not quitting._ I’m supposed to live a normal life now, experience college and all the deal. I already made new friends and they are cool people. Popular people. Koujaku and Mizuki are cool. They even seat in the cool people table and let me seat with them. I must be cool too. I can’t let some socially awkward kid intimidate me. Doesn’t matter if he’s some prodigy child and is so much smarter than me.

_Psh_. He probably isn’t so great. I can probably have better grades than him. _He’ll see! I’m gonna go study right now!_

10:30 p.m. It’s still somewhat early. Perfect.

I grab my bag and start putting all my notes over my bed, separated by subjects and assignments. _I’m such a A student._

 

Soon I get everything mixed up. Having so many different subjects and assignments at the same time is confusing and weird... but I know that once I get to organize myself, it'll go through smoothly. I just need to focus, I can do it.

Approximately more than half an hour passes by and I hear the shower being turned off, and soon after, the door opening.

“We run out of conditioner.” says a very calm Noiz as he walks across the room as if it was some kind of parade, all the while he lazily dries his hair with the towel that should be covering his dick instead.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!!” I yell as I cover my eyes. He is just doing it on purpose, he knows it bothers me, the prick!! And it takes some time to process, but as I recover his nude image in my mind, I notice he is flushed.

Not on his face.

He is flushed down there and a little pumped.

And I wish I didn’t know what that means because I chill all over and almost squirmed.

I flush in shame and my ears burn on what _should_ _be_ his behalf.

“Go do your perverted things elsewhere!” I sputter without even realizing what the hell I’m even saying and quickly cover my mouth up tightly with my hands. All it is in my head it's panic now.

“Hmmm~?” he hums with a questioning tone and even though I’m looking the other way, I can hear him give one of those stupid cocky smiles. 

“Isn't that hypocritical of you?” he asks, voice low.

“PFFFFFTTSHHFFF--” I think I’m in fetal position right now as I give some kind of broken transmission. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking or eating anything at the moment because I would have made a complete disaster. Or maybe I do, so perhaps I’d had choked and died.

“Heeh~ You are so surprised~ I actually thought you were doing it on purpose." he says and pauses. 

_What. On purpose? What does he mean?_ I wonder to myself, still unable to look back at him. I realize I'm indeed hugging my legs.

I hear him give a quick sigh.

"The bathroom echoes, you know. The shower sound makes you deaf from outside sounds, but outside everything is heard clearly.” he explains to me, calm as always.

WHAT.

“In case you are wondering, I’m just quieter than you.” he adds.

.

Yes. Ok. Everything's fine. It’s not like it matters that the longest thing he had ever told me is about how much noise I make when I masturbate. No, there’s nothing to cringe about. Not at all.

“YEAH. AWESOME. GOOD NIGHT.” I scream. And I’m sure I gave Noiz a beautiful show of how all my notes and colour pens went flying as I took the blankets and furiously pulled at them to cover myself up.

_Wanting to show off my studying skills was stupid, I should have gone to sleep when I had the chance. Now I’m sleepless, sweating and my notes are probably scattered everywhere. I feel like crying, I’m so embarrassing._

But soon the lights are turned off and I hear him ruffling on his bed.

“I don’t really mind...” he says after a moment of complete quiet.

I don’t hear the teasing smile... but my heart won’t stop pounding like mad nevertheless as my stomach makes some weird churns.

I uncover my head to be able to breathe ans stay like that for a while. I’m looking opposite to him, so I don’t know if he is looking to this side or the other.

It unsettles me.

The pounding in my ears slowly diminishes enough to be able to hear a gentle snore.

_Wow. How is he able to sleep after this? what a bastard._

Despite of myself, I turn around and I'm relieved to see he was facing the other side. _Good_. In the dark I can see my stuff indeed scattered all over the place.

_It’s fine, I’ll pick all up tomorrow._

I grab my phone and I almost whine for Ren as I see him looking at me again through the screen. _At least everything's over now._

_Wait a minute._

_So when he asked if it was good… ...yeah. - The butt feels great and you make of yourself an awesome fap material by the way, thank you very much. Oh my god._

I can’t help shiver at the memory of his crooked smile and the way he was laying there, half dressed, as he asked that. And of course more images of him came, completely naked, wet from the shower, his hair pulled back, some drops running down his chest and arms, down his abs, down his faint happy trail to his dick half hard still because he just touched himself and came in the shower as well and Ah-.

_Ok, stupid addicting and pointless gaming time!_

I don’t know how, but after tapping I don’t know how many times that nasty mutant platypus to give me poop for gold to get more platypus, I manage to fall asleep. [a/n: This is an actual game. Platypus Evolution]

And apparently I was exhausted because next morning I press snooze 5 TIMES. I’LL BE LATE!!

I get off bed as if I suddenly realized I was on fire and quickly start gathering my stuff from the floor.

But there’s nothing on the floor.

Everything’s neatly piled up on my desk.

I look up and Noiz walks from the small kitchenette to me, with a cold slice of pizza in his mouth as he hands me a plate with another one in it.

“What… What is this?” I give a demonstration of my intellect as I stare at the plate.

He scowls. “Pizza.” and looks at me like _are you serious?_

“No, I mean. Why?” I ask as I grab it.

This is so strange.

He stops chewing and furrows his brows in confusion... He is...  _confused_? 

“I don’t know.” he says and starts slowly chewing again. He blinks once. Then twice. He swallows. “Later.” he says and leaves.

“Wai-!”

Slam.

“...Ook.” I mutter weakly to the empty air as I take a bite. I don’t really like pizza for breakfast. I look at the time. _FFFUUUU-_

I put my stuff in my bag and I dash.

***

I’m lucky I don’t share any classes with Noiz because that would be awkward, surely. Probably. I don’t know, but when I see him at the cafeteria, I know I have to clear things up. So I tell Koujaku, Mizuki and the rest of the group I wouldn't be eating with them and go where Noiz is sitting alone.

I elegantly handle the freaked gazes coming from the popular table - and by elegantly manage I mean I menacingly narrow my eyes at them before giving them the back and taking my seat.

Anyway, Noiz seems a little uncomfortable but otherwise unfaced as he eats his plain plate of pasta with butter and I seat on his right.

“Uh. Ok, I’m going to go straight to the point: Yesterday never happened, ok?” I try to make my one-sided deal, as straight forward as I can.

I expect some making fun of... but instead he just looks at me, then at his spaghetti entangled in his fork, at me again, behind me, and finally at the window at his left.

“Ok, whatever.” he says finally, before bringing the fork to his mouth.

I’m a little surprised, to say the least.

“... That was easy.” I comment to the air as I grab my fork to eat from my infinitely more nutritious plate of food. He scowls a bit.

"What was?" he asks.

"Um. You accepting." I say timidly... hoping not tu rub him the wrong way.

“... what did you expect?” he asks after a moment.

“I - I don’t know. For you to make fun of me?” I answer, a little embarrassed already.

“Why would I do that?” he asks with a serious tone. _W-why?_

We then scowl at each other. _Is this a trap? He wants me to sputter some nonsense, right? Because that is totally what I would do in these cases._

As stern and hard faced as he usually is while staring at me, he rolls his fork into the plate without looking, takes another forkful of pasta to his mouth and slurps his noodles in front of my face. what the hell.

"I-I don't know." I say quickly. He must have seen my ungrateful expression because he then averts his gaze to look blankly in front of him as he chews and rests his face on his other hand.

“Gee...” I say. I couldn't think of anything better.

We eat in silence for a while. But I notice he starts getting gradually more and more annoyed as he sometimes gazes behind me... clicking his tongue gradually more often.

I finally dare to look behind me.

Koujaku was glaring at us with repulsion.

_What an ass._ I look at him back with my best impression of _‘What is wrong with you!?’_ , even with the crouching, the shoulders shrugged and a palm facing up.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Noiz asks all of a sudden and it surely takes me by surprise. My neck almost pops at the speed at which I turned back to him.

“What!? No!” I answer instantly as I tense up all over.

“You like him?”

“I - No! Not like that. He's great but-”

“The teardrop tattoo guy?”

“What, Mizuki? No! What-”

“Anyone at that table?”

“Stop it. I don’t like anyone on that table.” I answer quickly. I panic. “At any table.” I lie, but it sounds as if I like someone who is not here. “I don’t like anyone!” I finally close up my lie.

_Crap, that was so unnecessary._

Noiz ignores me and after a second he declares “I’m gonna beat that stupid looking samurai.” while clenching his jaw and fists.

_What? He wants to beat Koujaku?_ “No! Please don’t. He’s my friend.” I plead quickly.

He stares at me again in silence and then back at Koujaku's direction.

“ _Please?_ ” I plead again, searching for gis haze again, trying to come in to his field of vision.

He looks at me... and something softens.

“ _Sigh_. Whatever.” he reluctantly accepts and takes his fork again.

_Ah. I'm so relieved._

We both sigh and resume eating. It’s like when we are at the dorm, it’s silent but nice - and the window view is very nice. But what's it's even nicer to be able to look at him closer during lunch and not from the cool table across the place. He always eats alone.

_It must be so lonesome, eating alone. Thinking of which, I wish people wouldn’t think so ill of him... he is not the bad guy everyone seem to believe. I’m glad I’m able to notice it._  I smile to myself and I feel a pleasant chill run through my spine.

We empty our plates still in silence as I sometimes steal glances at him. I never catch him looking back at me which is a little heartbreaking, but I still like to be with him.

I hear the clack of the fork being set down.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks suddenly.

“What do you mean?” I counter ask, taken aback.

“Eating with me.” he clarifies.

“Ah- aah... It’s nice by the window.” I lie again. “I don’t know why the popular table is not this one. So strange~” I keep on babbling as to make the lie more credible.  _Although it is strange now that I think of it. It has a really nice view of the green area of the campus._ “It’s quiet. It’s pretty.”

I intend to continue, but then a pang crosses my gut. “Does it bother you?” I warily ask.

“No.” he answers... but it’s as if his own answer was strange to himself.

“But why _this_ table?”

“ _You_ are at this one...” I mutter shyly. _D-does this count as a confession?_

_He is scowling… is he gonna reject me now? Am I gonna cry like in manga?_

“And what do you want from me?” he asks. He just keeps asking these strange questions.

“Ah… to just stay and eat with me...” I say as I fidget with the hem of my shirt. _Am I even answering right?_

“Why?” he insists with the interrogation.

Ok, this is beginning to irritate me.

“Because I like it...”

He takes a moment to think

“...Why?” he asks again.

“Wha-. We are not doing this. May I keep on sitting with you during lunch? Yes or no?” 

_I lost my patience. These emotions are so friggin' difficult!_

The pause is mortifying. I’m sure only mere seconds pass, but it seems like so much more.

 

“Sure.” he finally answers as he gazes outside.

It makes me a lot happier than I expected.

***

Just a couple of days pass and I don’t take any new step toward confessing properly or any crap like that. It is already difficult to communicate with him as it is… and it gets impossibly harder as I randomly remember our last shower incident thing.

He probably doesn’t like me like that anyway. So I keep sitting with him at lunch and we chat a little before we sleep just for the sake of... I don't know. I wish this would end, the fluffy emotions are turning sour... and my stupid crush doesn’t seem to fade. It probably gets worse because I didn’t dare masturbate ever again and I’m starting to pent up a lot of frustration. Yeah, that must be it.

Whatever. It’s lunch time and I’m sitting on the table with my tray as Noiz scowls behind me again.

“He seems to still want you back.” he says.

“Who? Koujaku? He’ll be fine.” I quickly dismiss the subject, there were more important matters right now, like this is the third day I see him eat the same thing in a row. “Is this the _only_ thing you eat here?!”

“Pizza is on Fridays.” he shrugs.

“Oh my god. No. Eat this.” I say as I exchange our food. “And no more pizza at night. I’ll bring or prepare something for both of us. So come earlier from now on.”

He looks at me tiredly but doesn't say no.

“What is this?” he asks instead as he stares at his new plate. I look at it, it’s a very unamusing piece of meatloaf.

“Meatloaf. Are you kidding me?”

He pinches it with the fork as if it were to move at any moment. “What’s in it?” he asks, almost conflicted.

I grimace. “Hopefully, some meat. Just eat it. Don’t complain.” I instruct.

"I wasn't." he says.

I get my suspicious face again... but he doesn't say anything as he grabs a bite.  I probably look like a creep as I gaze at the food reaching his mouth.

“How is it?” I impatiently ask, I don’t even wait for him to savour it, much less swallow it.

“Salty. Spicy.” he answers. _Uh… too much perhaps?_

“I told you not to complain.” I scold him.

“I didn’t complain.” _What? Again with that?_

“Right. Ok.” I say, as to emphasize I don't quite believe his shenanigans. “I’m serious about the pizza issue by the way.”

“But tomorrow’s Friday...” he says as he looks at me, crooking his head just slightly and ghostly forming a pout with his lips. _Oh, a new expression, I think I could melt._

“Oh- aah... Ok, ugh, just on Fridays then, deal?” I sound bothered but I smile in spite of myself.

“Yeah.” he accepts before gazing at my mouth for a bit and then distantly ahead again.

My heart skips a beat but then I realize that maybe I have a stain on them, so I brush them with a napkin. It’s clean. Maybe my teeth…

“You are fine, Aoba.” he says with a deep voice. _Ok, this is intense for me. Don’t say my name like that._ “I like your smile.” he clarifies and I can’t believe he just told me that. I don’t know what to say. 

“Oh?” he speaks without waiting for any response “You are turning into a tomato again.” he says as he smiles teasingly. _He is teasing me._

_Is this flirting? Could it be?_

“ _Tch!_ Shut it!” I shut him up as I lightly punch him in the arm in a poor attempt at flirting back.

 

But obviously I must have hidden massive magical strength stored up somewhere because he abruptly recoils, almost tossing the chair and the table with everything on it as he clutches his arm in the spot where I hit him.

I’m completely dumbfounded as he digs holes at me with his eyes, unblinking and unbreathing, like a bristling wild cat.

_He must be extra sensitive to pain or something! Some kind of disease? I didn’t know! He should have told me!_

He gets close to me with the same wild expression and I stand up cautiously. _Is he gonna punch me!?_

“I seriously didn’t mean to hurt you!!” I sputter. _I really really didn't!!_

But he is speechless as he warily lifts his hand and hesitantly gets closer to me. I realize he doesn’t mean to hurt me so I stay still. Still as a statue.

He then proceeds to extremely softly take one lock of my hair between his fingers and caresses it faintly.

His eyes widen up even more, if that’s even possible, as he stares at his own fingers and my fine strand of hair. I don’t understand what the hell is going on but my hair feels awfully nice and I don't stop him.

 

“ARE YOU OK, AOBA?! DID HE HURT YOU!?” Koujaku comes to my rescue and separates us, protecting me with his body.

“I- Aaah-- Ah, aah...” I forget how to speak. And apparently I look like I'm traumatized because Koujaku gives the warrior’s call and charges to punch Noiz in the face.

I cringe and yell.

“STOP!!!” but I’m several moments too late.

But what happens next just renders me speechless again. If until now was weird, I really don’t know how to call this.

Noiz face was blown to the side by the blow, but after half a moment, he just blinks twice and as if nothing had happened, resumes staring at the fingers that had just been brushing my hair.

Koujaku looks at me as to see if I knew what the fuck.

I don’t know what the fuck either, but I take the opportunity to scold him.

“Hey, he didn’t do anything to me, you Idiot-jaku! I was the one that accidentally punched him in the arm in the first place!”

There is no such thing as an accidental punch in the arm. Or at least mine wasn't. But it doesn't matter, he shouldn't be so quick jumping to troublesome conclusions.

“Oh - I… Well, the punkshit probably deserves worse, so...” Koujaku tries to justify his free punch. I open my mouth to proceed to verbally slap him but Noiz shanks him by the shoulder before I could say anything and punches him back.

Koujaku indeed reacts as it is to be expected, he grunts as he grabs his jaw, scowling at him.

“Careful with what you say, Old man.” Noiz warns him.

“ _Tche._ Old man? You better watch your mouth, Beansprout.” Koujaku hisses.

And if it weren’t for me and Mizuki, the people that gathered there encircling us would have had the show they wanted and wouldn't have aww’ed in disappointment.

“Pull your shit together, Koujaku!” Mizuki tells him as he put his palms on his chest and pushes, making him step back.

“Please stop, Noiz.” as do I, without pushing, but lingering a bit. He looks bewildered again as he steps back on his own and clutches his shirt in his fist.

_Wh-What? What’s going on? What’s wrong with my hands?!_ Is all I manage to think.

Suddenly a loud sound of a megaphone being turned on echoes everywhere. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU DELINQUEEEEEEENNNNTTSS!?!?!?!?” The rector yells through his unnecessary big megaphone. 

“ _IT’S AKUSHIMA!! RUN!!!_ ” everyone yells and start escaping as soon as the megaphone went off. People even got out jumping from the windows.

“Aoba!!” Koujaku shout calls me as he runs away with everyone and gets lost in the tide.

“Let’s go, Noiz!!” I try to make him react, but I don’t dare touch him again. People run right past us, escaping into the campus fields.

I still offer my hand in case he wanted to take it, but instead he grabs my wrist and looks intently at it. 

“What are you?!?” Noiz exasperatedly asks as he roughly lets go of me and then looks at me up and down.

“What do you MEAN?!?” I answer with a question of my own, way  more high pitched that I intended.

Everyone is out except us now. Akushima is a few steps from us but still points at us with his ridiculous device.

“TO MY OFFICE!!!” he shouts.

_Great. Just great._

My ears hurt and I might as well say goodbye to my scholarship.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba has a diplomatic meeting with the rector, has a heated discussion with Noiz and a wild Clear appears!

~

Hi, I think you already know my name, but in case you weren’t paying attention, it’s Aoba… and my last name…

“ _SERAGAKI SAN!!_ ”

And this is my rector Akushima.

“MUST I REMIND YOU OF YOUR SITUATION!?” Akushima yells. He likes to yell.

My situation is that I have a scholarship. That is my situation. And I'm about to say goodbye to it.

 -

Ok, um, maybe there _is_ a chance I won’t lose it - I should be really be thinking about different forms of begging for forgiveness and I will probably not loose it, but the sad and shameful truth is that I’m more concerned at what it seems Noiz being mortally allergic to me than my actual future.

I know, my priorities are a little imbalanced (or are they?) but it is just so strange! I mean, and then when Koujaku hit him he didn’t even react, what’s going on!? And how can he be so friggin clam right now? Ugh, he is looking this way...

I cover my face with my hands because that’s how I hide.

“I see you are very stressed out Mr. Seragaki. VERY WELL! MAY THIS BE YOUR FIRST AND LAST WARNING! MAY THIS NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!” Akushima says.

_Wait. That's... that's it?_

“I, uh. YES! I’LL NEVER TOUCH HIM AGAIN!” I answer quickly, uncovering my ashamed face. _Ok, What now. Why is he ogling me… are those... Noiz's puppy eyes??_

AH.

“I-I mean, fight! I won’t fight with him again! - with anyone! - I promise!!” I say and bow as deep as I can even though I’m sitting, so I look like a taco.

I have to shamefully admit that it seemed that I was saying that more to Noiz that the actual rector.

_Were those really puppy eyes...?_

“YOU ARE DISMISSED!!!” Akushima yells as usual and points to the exit with a strict arm.

“THANK YOU!!” I yell back my answer while standing up and exit the office immediately.

 

 _That was tough and strange, is everyone nuts in this friggin campus?_  I can't help but wonder to myself. _Maybe Mizuki is the only normal person I’ve met so far… Hmm... but thinking about it for a second... he_ did _jump off the window yelling BANZAI while escaping a while ago…_

 

_... Am I high?_

 

So while I am resting upon the wall beside the rector’s office, catching my breath and wondering if someone has put some illegal substance in the ventilation system, I totally accidentally overhear Akushima’s conversation with Noiz. In my defense, it’s not like the man doesn't cough his lungs out every time he speaks.

However, that's not the case right now, he’s being awfully calm, much so that I can barely hear. I have to accidentally lean closer to barely be able to catch what is being said... something about… - _what do you have to say in your defense?… - I’m depositing the sum in your bank account right now… - it won’t be so easy next time… - you always say that…_

and something about… _\- you punk shit, you’ll see._

_Whoa whoa… bank account?!_

This is so wrong.

The door swings open which surprises me but I immediately know I have to act cool now. Very fast I think of a way of doing so... but it’s so obvious I have been eavesdropping... What does Ren do when he knows he did something wrong? Yeah, he plays dumb and sniffs stuff as if that was what he was doing all along.

Of course I won’t play I’m sniffing stuff, that’s ridiculous.

What can people do that dogs can’t?

_Whistle. They can whistle._

“What are you doing?” Noiz asks with a hint of amusement. I remember I can’t whistle and that depresses me.

“Nothing...” I say as I look at the ground and fidget in the place. Everyone knows how to whistle except me.

“Were you eavesdropping?” Noiz asks.

“No… I was trying to whis- Ah! No, I mean, I was! Tche.  _no, I wasn't_ … hell, whatever, we need to talk, come with me.” I say as I remember what disturbed me in the first place - _the rector is a corrupt shit and he is taking advantage of Noiz._

We reach some empty corridor besides the stairs, everyone is already at class, but this is important so I don’t care I’m late, I’ll apologize later. I was at our abusive rector’s office after all, so teachers won’t punish me for being late and send me back to the office, _that would be nonsense._ I just have to do this quick so they don’t suspect.

So after I make sure no one is around, I tell Noiz how he should definitely do something against the rector taking money from him. It's just so wrong for him to accept money like that and take advantage of students, I mean, he is supposed to be our example, our model, he has some serious ethical issues... he can't make his pockets fat at the expense of blackmailing and extorting... It's so wrong.

Noiz listens as I ramble and ramble without interrupting me once, even when I reiterate several times and accuse Akushima of every made up bullshit that crosses my mind. He listens patiently as he looks at my eyes and then at my mouth, he is looking at my lips move and babble. I don't know what I'm even saying by know, why isn't he interrupting me? Ok I’ll just shut up on my own... Maybe that way he would actually be able say something himself.

"..." Noiz says. Yeah, that's right.

He says nothing and it's killing me. I'm about to rage ind desperation when he finally talks.

“... Why do you worry so much?” he finally speaks. I was not expecting to be a question of the sort so it tenses me.

“Again with the weird questions? Of course I worry, he is taking advantage of you! Abusing you!” I explain. I thought that was clear by now.

"Why me?" he asks, cutting me off. He already asked something like this... I don't like being put under the spotlight like this.

"W-well... shouldn't I? We... we are roommates... we have lunch together... I... ..." I say, quieter and quieter till it becomes a murmur.

He rests an elbow against the wall behind me, just beside me.

Um.

I don’t quite like that I’m being cornered like this, I can already feel heat on my cheeks, this is getting dangerous, _his warmth..._

"I can't hear you." he says. _That's why he leaned closer?_

"Any decent person would worry about a student being harrassed." I say, louder this time. But he doesn't move away.

“...I do break the rules, you know.” He says then.

“S-Still!” I argument. That’s all my argument. To be honest, he _does_ look like a delinquent, I was just hoping he wasn't.

“Still… _what?_ ” he only gets nearer. I can feel his breath all over me...

“Still--still... STAY STILL!” I say. And he obeys, thanks god. _Maybe he doesn’t want to pay me too, haha. Ok, that wasn’t funny at all._ “It’s not okay for him to accept bribes! It’s unethical and illegal!” I try to appeal to his reason.

He stares at me. “Would you wish him to expel me instead?” he asks bluntly.

It leaves me agape. “No… I don't. But...” I mutter.

...I don’t know what to say to that...

W-Wait a second...   _I DO know._

“You shouldn’t be breaking the rules in the first place you brat!!” I scold. _He is trying to manipulate me!_

"I'm not falling for your trap!"

"What trap?" he asks, again confused by my questions. That makes me scowl and try to make a face that describes _Don't you shit me, mister._  But he doesn’t say anything. He keeps on staying still in the place, and I’m still being cornered, I want to get out.

“Move.” I say. But the he just rest his other forearm beside me, cornering me firther.

“That’s not what I meant!!” I say very embarrassed, automatically pushing him away. Then I remember I mustn't touch him and immediately retrieve my hands, I want to apologize and accuse him at the same time for being so fucking contradicting. _What's his deal anyway!? Why is he getting so close to me when he is alergic to me!?_

But what he says leaves me speechless.

Well, it’s not what he says. He doesn't say anything...

It’s the sound he makes.

He sexually groans and shudders as he half closes his eyelids. Yes, I did say sexually.

This establishment wants me to have a heart attack.

“What’s going on with you!?” I ask, a little hysteric.

“...I don’t know.” he answers. _How come he doesn't know? Is he kidding me?_

“Are you ki--? Aahh.” I wanted to ask him directly, but before I did so, I feel his hand cupping my face so slow and gentle, it made me falter. He caresses my cheek and my neck as he trembles slightly, I don’t know what’s going on but my mind slowly starts to drift away. I unconsciously close my eyes and feel even more of that addictive warmth as he carefully strokes my face, my hair, my lips. My lips feel warm and moist.

I halt. I halt everything. My eyes snap open and I can see his lips mere centimetres away from mine.

I instinctively pull away to be able to focus on his eyes, his beautiful lime eyes that look at me with a hint of those puppy eyes I had seen before. I feel the soft sensation lingering on my lips... he just kissed me, there is no other possible explanation to what just happened. He just kissed me and looks worried because I just pulled away. 

My breath hitches. 

"T-that was my... that was my..." I say out loud what I intended to keep within my thoughts. I automatically touch my own lips, as if that would let me somehow recreate it. I look up again, not realizing that my eyes were focusing on nothing at all.

When I look up to him, he looks bewildered. Apparently he got what I meant and he is surprised.

"Be all mine, then." he says as he bluntly grabs my nape and catches my mouth again. I'm petrified. I can't move.

His lips move over mine and I can feel him tremble. I still can't move and I can't quite close my eyes again. I read somewhere that's something rude to do, but he has his eyes open too. He looks at me as he kisses me and I shiver all over... but then he closes them and I feel his tongue try my bottom lip. My breath hitches and I exhale over his barely open mouth. I want to feel that again.

I reach for him this time and kiss _him._

He groans in my mouth and deepens the kiss without hesitation. His tongue tastes mine without any pudor as he caresses my body as If I were the most incredible thing. His tongue piercing clacks with my teeth several times and I don't know if it's because I never kissed before but I like it. He is purposely rubs it along my own tongue and I can’t believe just how good that feels. He is tasting me, _testing_ me.

My heart tries to break through my chest when I decide to touch him back with the same fervour. HE groans again, louder this time, never breaking the kiss. The very sound is so erotic I don’t fucking care if anyone sees us right now, kissing him is the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever experienced and I don’t intend to stop even if it means I'm gonna be expel-... _Wait, wait wait. I do care... I- I’m really going to be expelled!!_

“ _Nnhg._ S-Sto- ohh~!” I try to say _Stop_ but that was me failing because he started kissing my neck. “Ah- _Noiz_...Nn-Noiz _~_ … NOIZ!” I call him. Only the last time it actually sounded like I was actually trying.

He stops to look at me but leans onto me as close as he possibly can.

“What?” he says in a husky tone that makes me tremble like a schoolgirl. I can feel his body pressing against me, his warmth in contradiction to the cold wall behind me, there is no space between us and it’s getting hard to breath and think. I can feel something strange pressing against me that it's strangely alluring.

“I ah… is _that_ …? ahh… w- we need to stop… n-NOW!” I intend to be straightforward but I stutter like a bitch. Tears threaten to creep out.  _Doesn’t he know what it’s at stake here?_

“Why?” he asks on my ear. _No, he clearly does not know._

“P-people can see us, you brat! We can get in serious trouble!” I sputter.

But then the brat bits on my earlobe at the same moment he presses his hips harder without any shame.

“I don’t care.” he says, almost defiant. And I wish I had less consciousness to just let myself give in and not to care either because we are pressing so hard against each other I can almost guess how big he is just by brushing my boner against his. I'm about to lose it.

“B-but I do! I- I don’t want to be expelled!” I manage to say with a pathetic voice. _Fuck you reason. Fuck you._

He stops. I don’t know if to thank the Lord or sob.

“Let’s go to the dorm then.” he says. _Ah, I’m glad he’s coming to his senses now cause we really can’t just do it in the middle of a public space where anyone can see and…_

.  
.  
.

“WHOA WHOA WHOA. WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.” I panic. Dorm means privacy. Privacy means sex! I’m not ready to have sex yet!!

“So here then.” he says serious as a stone. _Yeah, a stone covered in molten lava._

“YOU ARE CRAZY. I’M LATE FOR CLASS. GOODBYE.” I say as I squeeze and slide my way out of his embrace as if I had oil on myself and start running.

Thankfully he doesn’t stop me when I dash away for the very sake of my virginity... but as I check several times my back as I run, I see him following me, walking to me veeery slow. _Ok, that is really creepy._ It’s like those monsters in videogames that just follow you slowly till the end of time or until they kill you, you kill it or you somehow you get to the next stage. _It’s fucking terrifying._

I run faster and faster and rapidly lose my breath so I stop behind the first corridor I see and hope for dear life this is an equivalent of getting into the next stage cause I’m having a serious nervous breakdown.

After a moment, I dare look behind the wall to see if he is still following me and --

I don’t see him...

_It worked! Yes!_

...

… Or perhaps I’m overreacting and he was just walking somewhere else because he wasn’t about to chase and rape me. _I’m such an idiot._

But it’s still a relief he didn’t come this way nonetheless, cause if he did, he would have just seen how I poked my head from a corner and it would have been ridiculous.

Ok. I’m ok now. And thank god my boner is gone cause that hurt like hell.

I was running with a boner.

... I can’t possibly let myself lose control like this again.

_I’m so fucking embarrassing._

I need a distraction _right now_. I decide I'm alright to go to class now, so I head to my designated classroom.

\---

“Sorry for being late.” I apologize to Haga san. Fortunately, he doesn't yell at me, he actually wishes for my well being and sweetly tells me to sit down. He is such a kind an peaceful teacher. Well, unless you mention his baldness, that is.

But as if I hadn't have enough already, my prince in shining armour is waiting for me, his usual charming grin replaced with one of worry.

“Are you okay, Aoba?” he asks quietly enough to not interrupt the class as he grips my hand between his as soon as I sit down.

_That is actually really considerate and sweet... I'm even feeling all reassured and all. He is so caring and protective... it would have been so much easier if I just fell for him instead of Noiz..._

But as if they had a fifth sense, all the girls in the class stared at me at unison with glowing eyes of wrath, and I swear I felt real fear.

_Ok ok. No, it would be a pain in the ass too, maybe ten times worse. Wow, the people on this campus..._

“I’m fine Koujaku. Don’t sorry so much.” I say as I retrieve my hand and direct my attention to the blackboard, giving him a hint of _just leave me alone please, I don’t like the idea of murder._

But apparently he didn’t quite catch it cause I could feel his gaze upon me the last 15 minutes together with rest of the fucking female class in consequence.

I start to sweat.  _What the fuck does he see in me anyway?_ I _f he only knew what I did minutes ago he wouldn’t like me so much. In fact he would probably be so furious._

_I feel terrible.... and I don't even deserve his affection. He probably just has a fixation on me… Mizuki did say that he is able to smell female virginity scent and he is prevailed upon to protect it… or take it himself._

_He is just smelling me._

 

_This is gross._

_Ugh, and I’m not even a girl! And it’s not like I would necessarily take the passive role or anything! Sheesh._

_Who am I kidding… I mean… I did masturbate in the shower by sticking two fingers in… ah. This is some dangerous thought._

“Aoba.” Koujaku calls me just in time to be doubly embarrassed cause images of Noiz pressing himself against my butt were already getting viral on my chain of neurons.

“Are you really ok? Is that stupid punk guy bullying you?” he asks with true concern.

I seriously have to halt the urge to snort and facepalm. _If he knew_ … _wait, did he know I was thinking about him?_  

“No, he is not, Koujaku. Don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine.” I say, a little shaken.

“Please be silent.” Haga san says to the whole classroom, even if we were the only ones talking.

“You don’t look fine.” Koujaku insists, quieter than before. “You are all flushed, you might have a fever.” he says as he places a gentle palm over my forehead. I should be slapping his hand away but the sensation reminds me so much of Noiz’s gentle caress that began our heated session that I can’t help let out a longing sigh. It’s almost as if I can feel his breath over me again, I want to kiss him again, I want him to touch me again. I can't stop thinking about it.

“You’ll make me blush if you keep on looking at me like that...” a very seductive Koujaku appears in front of my face, making the image of Noiz disappear completely from my eyes and realize that is Koujaku's hand that is stroking me as if I were a lead character in a Don Juan soap opera.

The shock almost makes me miss the eerie sound of furious teeth grinding of all my female classmates. Almost.

I stand up abruptly, very ready to run away again.

“Aoba-kun, is something the matter?” “Aoba! What’s wrong!?” Haga and Koujaku ask at the same time.

“I- I’m not feeling well, may I go to the infirmary to rest?” I ask Haga. _I really need to get away from here._

“Yes of course.” he answers. 

“Please let me escort him there, Haga san!” Koujaku talks on top of him, with a bow.

“No!” I yell. “I mean, I can get myself there without escorting, thank you.” I say as I look at Koujaku. _Sorry_ is what I want to say and try to express it silently to him. _I don't like you that way._

“Please let me!” Koujaku keeps insisting, intending to embrace me to help me walk, cause a slight fever to him apparently means I also sprained my ankle.

I look behind us with a panicked face to Mizuki who was watching us closely. He catches what I mean immediately.

“Uuukay, Koujaku, stop. He can get there on his own, really.” he tells his best friend and places a heavy palm to make him sit down again.

“ _But!_ ” Koujaku doesn’t want to give up. 

“No.” Mizuki shuts him and that actually did it. _How cool is to have a friend like that?_ I think to myself as I say a quick _thank you_ , specially directed at Mizuki, and finally leave the classroom.

 -

 _Phew_ … it's like being able to breath again, thanks goodness. That classroom wasn't safe at all.

So… the infirmary _really_ sounds great right now, I _really_ need that rest after all.  _So where was it, now? Right, at the end of the establishment where the ambulances are able to come and go with easy access._ I’ve never been there before, so I hope there are beds to lay and rest. _I wonder how the nurse is like, I’ve been told it is a really high tech robot, how cool is that?_

I arrive to the door that has a big puffy red cross and a subtitle that reads Health Care pasted over it and knock gently. _Are those tiny hearts?_

The door opens before I could further analyse the sign and a white haired man with pink eyes receives me with a wide smile.

“Hello! What can I do for you?” he asks with sunshine on his very face. But before I can even answer, he stares at me with surprise and says “... long blue hair… Aoba-san??” he asks.

“Uh, yeah… how…?” I say. Well, I’m probably the only weirdo with blue hair on the campus so I shouldn't be so surprised he knows who I am... but I am a little self conscious.

“Oh! Noiz told me so much about you! He also told me what happened! It’s amazing! I’m so happy!!”

“Wait wait… did you say Noiz?”

“Yes!! Isn’t he your roommate?” he asks, lolling his head to the side.

“Yes… he is. What did he tell you exactly!?” I ask impatiently.

“Oh he told me what happened!” he says.

“Which is…” I prompt. _Is he putting me some suspense? Answer me quicker!_

“What? You really don’t know?” he asks instead.

“Um. I can’t possibly know if I know if you don’t tell me what it is I don’t know!” my tone gets louder. This is getting on my nerves. I don't want to let slip nothing unnecessary.

“Oh wow, that was such an interesting line of thought, Aoba san!” he says.

 _Now, he is doing this on purpose, he_ wants _me to slip, doesn't he?_

“What’s your name?” I ask. I ask only because I convince myself I’ll be able to convey reason and seriousness into him by speaking his name at the beginning of my sentence.

“Oh. How rude of me. I’m Clear! Nice to meet you!!” he says as he grabs my hands and sway them around as if we were already friends. 7 year old friends.

Well, it’s actually cute, I'll give you that. He is really something, so I can’t help but feel happy for meeting him too.

“Samewise Clear! What a cute name!” I say as I smile. But I can’t help but feel that I’m forgetting something. Something important about Noiz.

“Wait, It’s actually _really_ nice to actually meet a friend of Noiz... I though he didn’t have any!” I say and immediately cover up my mouth. That is NOT a nice thing to point out.

“I don’t.” Noiz says, appearing from fucking nowhere. I’m petrified, _what the fuck is he doing here!?_

“I’ve been here the whole time.” he says, smirking just a bit, as trying not to laugh. Don't tell me I spoke my thoughts outloud again.

“That’s so cruel Noiz-san!!” Clear cries as he clings to me. _Ohh, The poor thing!!_ _Tche_. _First he appears from nowhere and then he hurts this incredibly lovely person._

I intently glare at him.

But Noiz just rolls his eyes. “He’s actually the nurse. We are at the infirmary after all. And in case you are wondering, he _is_ an Alpha.”

_The nurse… an Alpha? You mean the robot? Him!?_

“I seriously couldn’t tell!” I say as I get slightly away just to look at him better.

“Owaa.. that is so nice for you to say Aoba san!” he says and flowers almost grow from thin air all around him.

“That’s because he’s broken.” Noiz says.

“Uuuu…” Clear cries again. _Why would he keep on hurting him?_ I glare at him again and I’m about to say something probably really smart but he talks before I can.

“I didn’t say that was a bad thing… It’s actually a good one.” Noiz says. _Again with his strange way of thinking huh._

“So you worry about everyone, huh?” he mutters to himself as his gaze is cast aside. It was so quiet I almost didn't catch it.  _What does that mean… could he possibly…?_

"Are you..." I begin, but Clear speaks on top of me.

“Noiz san…!” Clears says with regained hope. “Do you really mean that? That is a good thing?”

Noiz takes a while to respond to that.

“... I mean it.”

And as quickly as he got to cling on me the first time, now he is clinging onto Noiz.

“Noiz san! I’m so glad! I’m so glad! I love you!” Clear chants. And it positively makes one of my veins on my neck pop. Whoa. I have to quickly relax my scowl because Noiz is looking at me again and I don’t want him to know I’m jealous for the first time in my life.

“Nothing?” Clear asks to Noiz, completely unconnected with anything.

“No. Sorry.” Noiz answers with a faint smile and a light pat on that white as clouds hair... I feel cast aside, it annoys me. _What do they talk so much about they already have their little codes...? Are they really that close?_

That makes me remember.

“Ah yeah! Clear. What did Noiz tell you about me, exactly??” I ask as calmly as I can, but I obviously fail, I'm having too many emotions and my voice gets too loud. _How did I even forget that for crying out loud._

“Ah, that he is able to feel you, of course!! Isn’t that amazing?? He was born with CIPA, so something like this is a miracle!”

“Able to feel me? A Miracle? What on earth is CIPA?” I ask as I shake my head in confusion.

“It means I was born without sense of touch. I’m not able to feel pain or temperature whatsoever." Noiz explains on his own behalf like a mature person. Not like me that I didn't ask him directly. 

"...except for you. I can only feel _you_.” Noiz then says.

I take a while to process what he had just said... so the realization suddenly struck like lighting and left me agape.

“I, uh. I… such a thing...” I am dumbfounded. It seriously didn’t occur to me. _Well, should it have occurred to me?_   “Really...? Nothing but _me_?” I ask, still kinda overwhelmed by it. 

“Really.” he answers simply.

I take a moment to think. So that’s what with those strange reactions...

_I mean the first time I touched him… and when Koujaku punched him… and then the look on his face when… and the way he…_

“That explains a lot...” I say.

It's such a weird condition, and for him to feel _only_ me. I don’t know what I’m feeling now... _Why do I feel my heart like being gripped tightly?_

“I... uh. What are you doing in the infirmary anyway?” I say, trying to change the subject, I cant deal with all this just yet.

“Oh! Noiz comes here almost everyday to use his virtual computer. He is amazing at it!” Clear is happy to answer for him.

_Yeah. Amazing._

“And what do you do with it?” I ask immediately after, _I need to focus on whatever conversation, quicker._

“Hack. Breach. I can have access to many places from this particular IP and connection, it uses the same network as the directive's offices.” Noiz answers.

 _Whoa._ “You _What_!? -- Clear, why would you give him access to…? Ok, wait... don’t tell me you hacked on Clear’s program because...”

“Oh no!! It’s not like that at all, that’s actually not possible. I’m voluntarily letting him!” Clear says.

...

“... _why_...” I ask, not convinced at all.

“Well, to reprogram him was the first thing I tried, but his code is already altered - it alters itself all the time to protect itself and acquire information that he wasn’t supposed to gather in the first place. I don’t know how, but he broke his coding and developed free will, just like a human.”

“Noiz san in the first person that treats me like an equal. He’s so kind. Aoba san is so kind too! I'm so happy I met both of you!” Clear grabs both our hands and smiles warmly.  _Well, that is indeed a curious thing, but it wasn’t quite what I was asking._

“Oh ok, um, I mean, that’s incredible, but why do you let him do that? Do you approve of crime, Clear?”

“Oh no!! It’s not like that either! Aoba-san!" 

"So how _is_ it like?"

"Hmmm... have you ever heard of Robin hood, Aoba-san???” he asks me with true spirit.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“NOPE. I’M FUCKING OUTTA HERE.” I say as I reach for the door as fast as I can.

I scape again. This is some serious nonsense. And now I don’t even know where to go, all I end up doing is running from place to place. _What is wrong with everything!? was I really at home for too long and don’t understand the world at all? Or is it that I am being a part of some weird cheap story? Am I going insane!?_

_Ok, calm down, calm down. I’m not insane. Granny was right, I do need to learn how to move through. And It’s really not so bad._

It’s not bad at all actually.

And knowing for a fact that Noiz is truly not a bad guy but a morally weird guy that tries to do good things it’s kind of relieving.... and heartbuying.

But why am I so nervous? What am I so afraid of…?

Okay, I just need to rest, a nap sounds good. The dorm seems to be the safer place for now, maybe I can talk to Noiz later and let him know I’m not ready to advance yet.

 _Hang on._ It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything... I don’t even know if he likes me that way… Clear seems to be closer to him than me, maybe he likes _him_... maybe he is just testing his sense of touch with me and nothing more.

Yes, just testing. With his lips. On mine. and some tongue too... pierced tongue…and the way he touched and pressed against me… oh god.

Wait. I get it! I really get it. What he really wants is to just get into my pants! _What a bastard!!_

 _Oh, who am I kidding?_ My crush on him is based on my new sexual impulses, it's not like I don't fantasize all day long about doing naughty with him... so who am I to judge what he wants from me? It’s not like it bothers me that he wants to try steamy sex with his regained sense of touch. Specially when apparently I'm so willing.

Ok, maybe a cold shower and then the nap. I really need a cold shower right now.

\---

_It’s horrible._

_It so horrible._

It’s so fucking freezing it hurts! My teeth are gonna shatter!!

This is _bullshit_! This shit doesn’t even work!! How come they always say to take a cold shower when one is horny but I still want him to fuck me senseless!?

This was such bad idea, I’ll just catch a friggin cold, I’m turning the hot water on right now!

 _Aaaaahh_ , that’s better.

Now I can relax my muscles, today was so stressful. The warm water feels so nice. I turn it on even more, warmer, harder upon my skin. This feels awfully nice, so much that I HAVE A FRIGGIN BONER RIGHT NOW.

Okay, okay. Maybe… just _maybe_ … the cold shower _was_ working, but since I'm dealing with _so_ much sexual tension, this is the result.

 _Maybe_ the best way to handle it is to just relieve it.

Yeah, now that I think of it, that is the only way to go, I want to actually be able to control myself when he arrives because I clearly can’t handle so much hormones accumulated for so long. _What was I even thinking before?_ I just need to relieve it. It's really the only way.

Um. But maybe not in the shower again. Who knows if he’s already here and I didn’t realize and do my HD performance with the goddamned echo all over again.

I shudder. That wouldn’t be good.

So I finish up cleaning and drying myself - and already clothed this time - I step out.

~~

No Noiz to be seen.

Good.

I go to my bed, but just thinking that I’m going to masturbate makes me feel self conscious and weird. But here I am… as soon as I cover myself with my sheets and feel it's magical protection, my dick just grows from the bare expectation. Just thinking about his face, his predatory gaze, the way he touched me like his life depended upon it... it drives me crazy. Just a few pumps and I'm already leaking. Our encounter was brief but so intense, I really want to feel him again. _If I don't relieve it now..._

I'm terrified that he'll come in at any moment, but I can't stop. 

I wonder how is he like fully grown... waiting for me to touch him where he will feel the most. My breath deepens as I imagine his reaction, _he most probably never had an orgasm before_. To bare such a power… I want to suck him in, make him feel my mouth encircling him until he moans with that hellish deep voice of him and ask for more...

_"Aoba, harder..."_

My head turns white and I can’t help convulse repeatedly with my orgasm crashing all of a sudden. I cum. I cum too quickly. I wasn’t even able to finish my fantasy... I wanted to picture him coming in my mouth with erratic thrusts, look at him tense up and twitch, swallow until the last drop and lick him clean until he trembles cause he doesn't know about the sensitivity after cumming.

Oh wow, that didn't relieve me at all. It just left me horny _and_ exhausted.

And I... I can't believe I came to the idea of giving head.

I just. I’m just tired. I’m so fucking tired...

I... I think I might as well call it a day.

I'll just sleep now...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that Aoba is asleep we can all officially imagine Clear dressed as a sexy nurse. YES. 
> 
> Thank you all for tagging along and hope you are enjoying this silly fic <3  
> one more to go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake up.

_Hey._

_Hey, wake up._

“Mnnnn-no... ”

_Wake up, now's the time._

“5 more minutes...”

_Wake up you dumbass._

“Huh? What’s going on?” I say as I wake up with a throbbing headache... but the place is in complete dark and silent. What is going on? I honestly wonder to myself as I rub my eyes a bit cause for some reason they always itch when I wake up.

“Did you wake me up?” I ask Noiz, the only one in the room besides me... but the faint contour of a dark bundle that I suppose is Noiz, barely moves. He is sleeping -- Or at least he was... because he answers, and his answer is a raspy whisper.

“No...” he answers, tone more confused than annoyed. I can already picture him scowling at me.

“Strange...” I say and immediately after, I yawn, making me wanna rub my eyes again. I’m very sleepy and only mean to roll up into a huge blanket sushi and drift into sweet sleep again... but my my bladder doesn't think so. Now that I’m woken up, I need to pee.

It's such a bothersome thing.

I give up upon my fate and start incorporating… aaand that’s when I feel it - the dried up flakes of my own shameful actions. I have cum al over me.

“Ugh, I’m the worst.” I say to myself as I stand up from bed, realizing a moment too late that I’m probably not letting Noiz sleep with my stupid incapacity to keep my thoughts inwards. My head throbs again.

I bite my own knuckle on my way to pee and wash myself. I _have_ to be more silent.

I reach the bathroom and close the door behind myself as slowly as I can, but just barely fast enough to not become scared of the idea of what I might see through the mirror when the lights are off. As soon as the door is locked, I immediately turn on the lights and direct my sight to my reflection with the intention of proving that I'm indeed not a nightmare version of myself.

Well, I try to, cause the sudden brightness stings as hell and makes me curse under my breath... somehow I always forget about that. 

...But I think I saw it, bright eyes, wicked smile. It's so pathetic that I freak my own self out… I'm so fucking silly. Granny always told me that my imagination is too vivid.

I inhale deep… these are my usual nightly dumb-nut terrors, nothing to worry about, I’ll be fine again in just a sec.

I'm convincing enough, so when I finally look up with just one open eye, I see myself - my old, boring and safe self. My inoffensive self in a much worse condition than I remember myself to be - I’m exhausted, dirty, and my hair is a mess… not to count the awful grimace I wield because I can’t get used to the light just yet. _Ugh._

My bladder suddenly reminds me of it's urges on full blast and I have to hurry myself to get straight into peeing and not leak myself.

Oh my fucking god. 

As I look downwards to point the stream to get into the toilet, now I remember why I felt so disgusting in the first place... I have dried cum all over me and my clothes and it is slightly skinning off under my touch as I hold my dick to pee. And the guilt trip gets worse when it starts to gently snowfall as I shake it when I'm finished.

I don’t know if to laugh or what. What I _do_ know, is that I need to bathe. Right now.

I turn on the tap and take a shower. Warm water makes me relax more than I thought it possible and my headache subsides a bit. I don't even give a fuck when I feel the cum coming into life again once water touches it and becomes all slimy again.

Maybe this is me giving up for once. Perhaps it's already time for me to embrace how embarrassing I am. It’s not like he didn't hear me masturbate already and see me run away from him more than once.

A light bump of my head against the tiles makes me think that I'm not quite over myself yet...

I can't wait to get in bed again… but unfortunately, as I dry my hair up carefully… I realize that I don’t think I’ll be able to go to sleep again now, I'm already gingered up and I'm not usually able to convey sleep once I'm up for so long… not to mention the fact that I dozed off so early yesterday.

_Sigh._

What woke me up anyway...? It didn’t sound like Noiz’s voice… _it sounded like... me._

I don’t like my own train of thought, so I rapidly prepare myself to head out, putting the lights off before opening the door, knowing how much the light can bother when trying to sleep... specially when it points directly to your bed (another reason why I wouldn't want that spot). 

It’s as dark as it can get, specially now that my eyes got used to the light instead of the dark. It’s a little eerie, but at least I'm glad there are no mirrors in the room. My head gives another pang... I just want to _try_ to sleep this hideous headache off.

I step into the darkness.

But as soon as I look to where Noiz's bed is, I spot a little light. And it does not shine upon any random thing - it’s Noiz face that's dimly illuminated by his cellphone.

He doesn't look up, but his lime green orbs and metal beads glisten in the most gorgeous way. It vanishes my fears and pain away.

“You okay?” He asks, putting the phone down. I can barely see his face now and it makes me pout like an infant.

“Yeah, I’m fine… I just… nevermind. Sorry I woke you, really.” I say apologetically. I made so much noise with the shower and all… I just hope he doesn't come up with all the wrong conclusions.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says in an uncommitted tone and then adds “I was not getting much sleep anyway.”

That makes me perk up. I want to ask why, but my gut tells me that I already have the answer to that. I mean, if I think about the things that happened from his perspective, honestly, I can't understand how he can be so fucking _calm_. I freak on his behalf.

I notice that I've been just standing there for a while, so I force myself into walking into the room so that I don’t trip over anything and embarrass myself again. My eyes seems to be adjusting slowly but it’s not getting any much brighter than this.

I hear a really faint chuckle then and a sudden light in in front of my feet appears, allowing me to see where I was stepping at. He had turn on the lantern of his smartphone.

“Um. Thank you…” I mutter. It is actually really considerate and sweet of his part I think, if not a little mocking, but I follow the trail that leads me further into the room nonetheless. Step by step.

“You could have turn on the nightstand light on if you wanted to help me out though… ” I say as I continue to follow the precarious trail. And quite more effective too...

“It’s better this way.” He says, interrupting my thoughts. I can hear a smirk on his voice and one sneaky butterfly gets loose on my stomach.

It is...? Maybe it is.

_Yeah, it is._

Noiz continues to silently and slowly lead me, soon allowing me to reach the middle of the room, at the neutral invisible line that separates the bedroom from being mine and his. The light changes direction then, and it guides me to my bed where I will be able to rest and maybe play that horrible game again until sunrise.

But then the light stops, making me stop too. And I wait.

I wait for the light to move again, even if I can already clearly see my way into my bed, I wait. 

Maybe that's it and I have to go on my own.

_No. Wait._

The light slowly changes direction again, one step back.

It guides me to step back, and I do… following a trail towards his direction instead.

_Yes._

I mean… yes?

No!

I hesitate. What am I doing? I stop altogether, in the middle of everything.

_Follow the trail you dipshit._

My eyes open wide as I see the carpet underneath my feet. Was that me…? I mean… I _want_ to, but... should I?

My head starts to hurt again, clouding my thoughts. I really _want_ to.

The light waits for me one step ahead and I can almost feel my heartbeat making the whole room tremble. Noiz still waits for me. I can see his contour, lying on his bed, his back against the wall and just the tip of the fingers that hold the phone. He must be seeing me better than I do him, cause as soon as I try to figure out his face in the dark, he jiggles the light in front of my feet, catching my attention back and encouraging me to step in for once.

I let out a nervous exhale but do it, I continue doing his will, stepping in extra slowly until I reach the edge of his bed. The pain subsides again and I feel possessed, even when he proceeds to light a spot closer to him for me to sit at the level of his waist, I comply... I sit up where he intends me to with a thick noisy gulp. The light now illuminates my lap and stays there for a while... as if Noiz couldn't believe either that I complied without a fight.

I can see more of him now as the lantern dimly lights everything that is near too - I can see how he stares back at me as I try to study his face... but then the light travels up and I instantly cover up my eyes with the back of my hand because it hurts.

“Ow. Stop.” I squeal. The light was too strong. Stupid cellphone lantern. Stupid Noiz. Enough with the pain.

The light goes off altogether then and it's completely pitch black all over again, making me only able to see some blueish spot wherever I look at. The bastard damaged my retinas.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” I say accusingly as I uselessly try to rub off the annoying spot following me everywhere.  _So fucking annoying._

“Yes.” he answers my question.

“...”

I didn’t expect such honesty.

_Mmmnh._

_His bluntness is so sexy..._

What?

I hear rustling of clothes and I instantly know he’s closer to me. My stomach gives a jump, reminding me of my situation. The blueish spot mocks me and I'm paralysed cause I can’t see his face and it’s so near me, I just know it.

“Isn’t it strange?” He says out of the blue. I feel his sweet breath over me. That's too damn close. Why does he smell so friggin sweet, anyway?

“W-what is…?” I ask as I lean back a bit. I mean, I find everything about all that’s been happening strange, for god sake. My own mind is playing tricks on me... I'm most certainly being drugged.

“That I can even feel you through clothes.” He answers and I almost jump when I feel fabric touching my hand.

I am speechless. It _is_ strange. I don’t get any of this.

But immediately after, I can feel skin against skin - he takes the fabric away and lightly brushes the back of my hand with his fingers. _That's better._

“Soft.” he says, almost in a whisper, as he then slides the tip of his fingers in between the birth of mine and lets them brush along, in order to hold my hand from the back and expose the palm for the other one to explore it. His slow circular motions send chills all over me.

And it does things to me -- things that make my chest really tight and make me feel really vulnerable and confused, but warm at the same time.

I don't realize that my eyes had losst the annoying stain and slowly started to adjust cause I shut them close unconsciously in order to feel more.

“Softer.” He says when he travels to my wrists and gently go upwards all along the hairless part of my forearm. A long deep chill travels my spine and forms goosebumps all over my skin, electrifying every little nerve activated under his touch. “It’s... nice.” He adds, the longing in his tone is so contagious. _I want to touch him and try him on too._

“Am I like this too...?” He asks then, before I could do anything.

It takes me by surprise. I let a long broken exhale out of my system. _This…_ I don’t know what I’m feeling.

I separate my fingers from his grasp and touch him from his palm upwards, just like he did to me.

“Yes...” I say, quieter than him. “You are very soft...”

He hums half in acknowledgement, half in pleasure. I bask on that hum.

“Does it feel good?” I ask as I touch him further up his forearm, looking for the most sensitive parts… and it's like my words were dragged out of me. W-why...

_Stop overthinking._

" _Yes..._ " he answers, several octaves lower, making me glad I did ask.

Even his voice… _I can't get enough._

Noiz's touch is intoxicating and his scent is taking over me as if it was another drug to add up to the one they've been putting in the ventilation system.

I feel my mind drifting away and I long for nothing but to lose myself in him.

His hand travel to my back now, where my hair ends. It startles me up, I'm about to freak out because it will hurt... but to my surprise, he brushes down my strands between his fingers from further and further up each time… and it _should_ hurt, but it doesn't. For some reason it just doesn't. I don't even feel it directly.

I’m the only weirdo in the world that his hair hurts, but now I only feel the sensation in my scalp as every strand of hair is dragged gently with every brush, causing pleasurable chills run down my spine with every swift movement.

_It's acting like it's supposed to._

My breath hitches and I let out a trembling breath.

How...?

Noiz stops for a bit but then continues with the same endeavour until he reaches my nape and then travels to the side of my neck. He presses his palm against the thin layer of skin. He is feeling my blood rushing and I can feel every single one of my beats pressing against it... and I don't know why, I find it strangely soothing. 

_It doesn't matter how or why. Stop it. Just let go._

“Your heart is beating so fast.” He says.

“Y-yeah… this is so strange, Noiz.” I say in a weak tone and then do the same to him. I search for his heartbeat on the core of his chest.

“A- _ah..._ ” I stutter a bit. I didn’t expect what I felt. “Yours is so fast too...” I say. And I can’t believe just how much so -- He is usually so calm... cold, even… but his heart is pumping so strongly now.

“It’s getting faster.” he says and I can sense the hint of a smile in that sentence. It is, and it makes my own chest ache - and I almost wonder if he was able to feel that ache… cause it’s nothing like I ever felt before.

Noiz continues exploring me with both hands after that and I mirror every movement, trying to find some steadiness in my actions, even if they are not original of my own. Our arms entangle with each other as we feel every bit of covered and uncovered skin - feel how our muscles tense and relax with every single movement and how different every patch of skin feels to touch and be touched. It's as if I never had a sense of touch either. I really took it for granted.

We face each other and our heavy breathes mix, unintentionally warming the space between us and making it a cosy place to lean onto. I do so, I lean closer and flex my knee to rest my leg over the mattress just to face him better - my back thanking me for the relief in posture. But as we continue to embrace each other, recognizing each other in our own skin… I can perceive the hidden huskiness under his agitated breath… one that I'm already familiar with. One that was not nervousness, but something else.

This is too much.

_No, it's not. This is nothing._

I'm glad the room is dark to conceal how red my face must be and whichever expression I'm pulling off right now cause sudden arousal invades my whole body in powerful waves -  making my back arch subtly with every one of my breaths as I try to slow them down.

He hums huskily and I feel his touch get a little rougher.

He grabs my face between both hands and I can only place mine on top of his, I’m too overwhelmed.

But even if I'm losing it, he goes slow. With his thumbs, he traces the frame of my eyebrows, making my eyes close again. Then, he slightly caresses over my eyelids and my eyelashes - it’s a strange sensation, and I can't tell if I love it or hate it. But before I could overthink it, he continues down, painfully slow, until he reaches the commissure of my lips and stays there. And I just can’t cope with the expectation he is building.

My nails scrap the back of his hands in a show of mild fretfulness and I can hear him exhale a troubled breath.

“ _Aoba_...”

_Mmh fuck...!_

I'm reacting so hard right now, I can't help tremble under him as he brings me barely inches from his face which I can se so much better now. His eyes dig holes into mine, like trying to absorb every little glimpse - but then he looks at my mouth and I paralyse again.

He leans forward. 

My breath hitches making me want to jump again, but he keeps me in place and then feathery grazes his lips on top of mine ever so slightly... as if we had never done anything of the sort before. As if we haven ever kissed before. As if we had never touched before. I bask on his warmth, on his scent, on the sound and movement of his breathing and the oh so subtle sensation over my lips that continue to tease me. The continuous slow build is killing me and every second feels like an unique eternity of it’s own.

_More._

I take him by the sides of his face too and press our lips together tightly, earning another hum that makes our lips reverberate. We don't move yet, but it is the strongest and most passionate thing I ever experienced. It feels like if everything was made for this moment… like putting puzzle pieces together - The one who can’t feel, with the one who has extra feel. It could have been a cruel joke, but together we are a perfect fitting... we are each other's defective Soul Mate.

_Oh, please shut up already..._

_Think later. Act more._

Noiz pulls me tighter to him and I do too, now dampening our kiss as we gently part our lips more and more with every noisy peck - lolling our heads to the sides and stealing glances every now and then that makes my stomach flutter in the most pleasant ways. But even if I would like to do this forever, when I feel his tongue gently brush my bottom lip, I meet him with my own in an instant, wanting nothing more than to deepen the kiss and continue to feel him even  _more_.

He purposely brushes his piercing along my tongue, tasting me and inviting me to lose myself as he manoeuvres me under his hands as he pleases. We find a constant rhythm, making me unconsciously move in a purely sexual way as we get in and out of each other’s mouth restlessly and increasingly so.

One of his hands goes rest at the small of my back and now I know that he is able to feel how I instinctively arch with each simile thrusting motion. He groans into my mouth and with his hand he encourages me to climb his lap, increasing the pace and the depth, both drowning into a desperate and drunken kiss.

...And I don’t know how much time we spent like that because I don’t know at what time we started in the first place, but when my alarm goes off, I swear upon my life: definitely not enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba slowly learns to hear himself and others more, but not without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Sorry for taking so long to update. But here it is!  
> Hope you enjoy it.

“ _Mnn… five more minutes..._ ” is what I intend to say, but in reality, it became all slurred because something is inside my mouth.

Yeah. Noiz’s tongue is in my mouth.

I jump back and land on my butt, over Noiz’s knees. He locks eyes on me, and as the hideous alarm keeps on and on, I can see how Noiz’s eyes go down very slowly and land on my groin area.

A really visible wet stain graces over my pajamas, no to mention I’m completely hard. I'm about to enter panic mode at any moment.

_Calm down, calm down. He’s the same. Look._

And he _is_ , he is as hard as I am, and I want to feel uncomfortable about it but I can’t rip my eyes away from it. I stare at how it shamelessly pokes the fabric in which is held, a single pair of quite tight boxers.

I look away immediately and I can feel my face burning.

 _No, look at it, come on._ _I think he has piercings on it._

_Take a closer look._

_It's beautiful._

_Let’s touch it, let’s taste it. Let’s..._

“ _...If you keep on looking at me like that..._ ” Noiz says and I’m awoken from the slumber. His voice is sultry and his eyes are dark with lust. The sun is already coming up and we can see each other clearly, even if the light is dim.

I’m speechless, completely paralyzed, yet he teases me, he gets his own hand near his groin, over his inner thigh, his legs are parted and his dick is resting at the limit of his hip. My head is about to combust, but he doesn’t care, he continues his trail upwards his own thigh and I want to...

_I want to…_

Stop that fucking alarm oh my god.

What am I even doing? We have to go to class! Class? University? WE ARE GONNA GET EXPELLED. My leg entangles in the sheets and my face was going to land directly on the carpet if Noiz wouldn’t have grabbed me then.

“Wait-” he says. But he says nothing more, his eyes are wide open and he seems rather troubled.

But the alarm keeps going.

I slip myself off as a pathetic fish, crouch to the floor and reach desperately for my phone and finally shut it off.

My head throbs in pain.

_You are ridiculous._

I don’t care, I need to hurry - I have to prepare myself to go to class, this went too fucking far!

_No. Stop for a second. Relax._

Shut up!!

_What about Noiz, you idiot?_

Noiz!?

“Oh my god!! This never happened!” I say to Noiz and immediately after, a sharp pang of pain threatens to split my skull in half. The pain is so intense I missed the sound of Noiz getting up and coming up to me. My head keeps hurting, it’s making me dizzy, I can’t think fast enough. I can’t prevent it. Noiz embraces me from behind and I couldn't help it.

His grip is tight and I want to fight it, but to no avail. His warmth consumes all possible need to get away and makes me forget about all the pain. My head is clearer. The pain subsides.

“Don’t.” he murmurs. And his tone is nothing alike moments ago.

I can feel myself coming to my senses again.

“Don't go.” he says to me. I start to feel bad. I realize that I was just running away again.

“Stay with me.” he insists in a low voice, leaning his head further and resting his chin over my neck. He’s not playing fair. His scent invades my nostrils and his hands naturally find the sides of my body to embrace me tighter.

“We-we can’t…” I try, but my willpower is almost depleted by now.

“Yes we can. Skip with me.” he says simply, as if it was the easiest thing.

“No, we are gonna get into trouble...”

I feel weaker and weaker. I feel reason slowly start to drift away. Stay Awake! Stay awake!

“No, we won’t. I promise.” he says in my ear, leaning his head further and giving butterfly kisses over my neck. He is cheating again. I become dizzy all over again.

Resist!

_Give up!_

I can't! 

“Too fast...” I manage to say.

“We’ll go slow.” he says, continuing to kiss me.

“No, I mean, the world is spinning too fast. I’m gonna-”

Pass out.

***

I feel weird.

What's going on? What's happening?

“Hey, you okay?” Noiz is merely inches away from me, speaking on top of me. I don’t recognize this pillow, this is not my light-blue blanket my Granny gave me. This is all too white. And his face is too fucking near.

“W-Where are we?” I ask, moving away and very wary as I don’t recognize any of this place.

“At the infirmary. You passed out.” Noiz says in a calm tone as he sits back on the chair besides the bed.

Ugh. Oh. That explains the white.

“How long was I out?” I ask, kinda afraid of the answer.

“About forty minutes.” Noiz answers, laying back on his chair and placing a foot over the hem of the bed.

“Oh.” I say as I incorporate on the nursery bed just to be able to get into fetal position. I thought he was gonna say for days. Thank god this is real life and not some stupid story.

But then I remember.

“Oh no, we missed class!” I say, grabbing my head. But as soon as I say that, the white curtains are drawn and a sweet voice threatens to transform everything white into pink and a flowery pattern.

“Oh! Don’t worry about it Aoba-san!! I already informed the teachers, you have the rest of the day free to rest!” Clear chants, happily.

I spy Noiz from the corner of my eye. But then I see he was looking straight at me so I hide showing him my nape instead. I need to get away.

Sharp pain.

“Ow, ow, ow… my head!” I whine, fucking headache coming in the worst moments!

_Stop being an idiot._

“Oh, I see he’s quite strong!!” Clear chants, entwining his gloved fingers together and lolling his head to the side as if I was some endearing creature to look at.

“W-who is?” I ask, confused. I mean, who's strong? I just woke up from passing out. I look at Noiz and he shrugs.

“Oh, you alter-ego, of course!" he answers. My face must have given him a clue of how random that sounded to me.

"Oh, I thought you already knew! It seems you were dealing with a lot of stress, so your mind started to create a separate personality to deal with different situations. It’s called Dissociative Personality Disorder. It’s quite common in cases like yours! But it's not fully developed, I see...!”

The fuck. I can’t believe this shit.

Is he actually telling me I’m insane with such a happy tone?

_I like him._

“No. Shut up. I’m not insane.” I say inwards and outwards.

“Oh! Denial. The first step!” Clear says as he points his index finger up. I don't know why but that little gesture irritates me.

“What the hell are you talking about!? Stop it!!”

“Anger!” he sums up the middle finger. He’s fucking counting. I can feel how my face turns all shades of red. If it wasn’t like punching a 9-year-old, that’s exactly what I’d be doing right now.

But then I hear a gentle sound beside me.

Noiz is laughing at me.

“And what are you are laughing about? I can’t really be insane, right?” I say, trying to convince myself by convincing others.

“Bargaining?” Clear ponders to himself and I ignore him. Who cares about the opinion of the certified school nurse, I want to know what Noiz thinks. For some reason.

“... You _did_ say some interesting things while asleep.” he answers.

I freeze.

_Oh yeah._

“What did I say?” I ask impatiently. What did I say!?

_Only the truth._

Oh my god. No! Not the truth!

Noiz keeps silent for a bit but then speaks. “You really don’t know?”

I shake my head frantically. I need to know. “Tell me.”

Noiz looks at me with a straight face before answering, “If that’s what you want…"

I nod again.

"Ok, you begun telling me about how hard you are falling for me, that you like the faces I make when you touch me, that you should definitely stop being a pussy and let me fu-”

“OK ENOUGH. What the hell!” I yell. That's really too much, fucking Brain. “B-besides! Don’t you see Clear is right here!? He's like he is underage--"

I look at Clear. He just smiles as sunshine and rainbows. 

 _Uh. What’s up with him, anyway?_ I look back at Noiz with a troubled face.

“He is the robot nurse.” Noiz says, nonchalantly.

“Noiz, shush! Clear is more than just that!” I reprimand, even if he is not a conventional guy, we should treat him right.

"That's not what I meant ." Noiz replies with a scowl, but at the same time Clear jumps of top of me with tears of joy in his eyes.

“A-Aoba-saaan! <3”

***

So, after taking care of an emotional Clear, going through some checkups and keeping such information away from superiors, I exit the infirmary with Noiz by my side. 

I can’t bring myself to say anything. Various thoughts run through my mind. Technically, they are all mine, right? What if it’s true? What will happen to me?

_Oh, nothing much. Only not dying of stress._

“Ugh.” 

My feet are cold. I notice I'm in socks. I'm in my pajamas. I feel that I should be patient in a metal institution. This is so bad, I can't even bring myself to walk.

I can feel how Noiz looks at me from the corner of his eyes and mutters to himself. “...depression?”

I feign I didn’t hear. But I think he realizes the reason behind my pout.

“C’mere.” he says and he bring me into his arms.

We are in the middle of the corridor! We can’t do this here!

_Shut up. You need this._

“Let’s go to the dorm.” Noiz says and with a swift movement, my feet at are at the same height as my head is. I don’t remember reality to be like this.

“Whaaaa--? Put me downnn!” I cry out, as soon as I realize what’s happening.

“You are supposedly sick, remember? I’ll carry you. Besides, You might hurt your feet.” Noiz says. And it makes sense.

I want to go against that argument, but I can’t. So I end up hiding my face by pressing against the crook of Noiz’s neck. I surrender. I’m insane and I'm being carried out in my pajamas.

“Uuuu...” I dig my face deeper, trying to make a ball of myself as best as I can.

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” Noiz tries to comfort me. I bet he isn't used to this kind of situations, but still does his best. Which it's a lot actually. He is so good to me… after everything I did, he is still taking care of me. he's too good to me.

"Don't strain yourself so much. You should value yourself more." Noiz continues saying as he keeps walking.

"But I'm this bad..." I say, ignoring the pop up thoughts of this alter ego of mine. Who cares what you think, you don't even exist.

_I'm you, you idiot._

"You are not that bad -- and I agree with him." Noiz says, without telling to  _what_ he agrees with in particular, but I blush all the same. "He's still you. And I like you. So quit torturing yourself."

Was that a confession in an annoyed tone? I'm confused. Still, a strange wave of relief bathes me throughout my body, making me relax, making me stop pressing my eyes shut so hard. Noiz makes a contented hum.

Is any of this real?

"Say..." I say after a pause. "Would you perhaps know about the functioning of the ventilation system?" I wonder if he thinks I'm being too random.

"... I can get access to that, but what for?" Noiz replies.

"Oh, I don't know... perhaps checking if there's any illegal substance placed on it... or something."

He chuckles. He just chuckles. I want to get mad, but his laugh is contagious, I can feel his chest moving and can't stop my goofy smile.

"I'll check it out later." Noiz says, comforting me, and after a pause he adds, "But even if it were, even if you are this 'bad', why not try to take the best out of it?"

The silence between us spread like the flue virus. I feel like... I don't know how the fuck I feel like. I can't take a hold to all these emotions.

_I love him._

"Almost there." Noiz says then, making me suddenly aware of the campus, the corridors and the warm sunlight. Indeed we are near, but right now, if it were for me, I'd gladly let him continue to carry me, I don't care anymore, I just want to I keep being held by him like this, watching the ever-changing glistening of his piercings on his nape. Keep feeling all this I'm feeling.

But as if I were possessed, I venture my hand to reach the beads and I tug at them - I want to see what happens. I want to provoke him. As a child probing his parent’s limits. 

 _And I like what I see._ Every little blond hair on his nape stands up on end and I think I can hear him take a deep inhale. Goosebumps run through him all over. 

_Hn. Let’s do more._

And I completely agree with my mind now... But destiny thinks otherwise.

“Aoba!? Aoba!!” a wild Koujaku appears!

Oh no...

I tense up completely as I see him running towards me from the distance. It's impossible to hide. Damn you, fucking blue hair of Hell! I wish Noiz would try to flee right now and avoid this, but instead he stops, and I can see a thick vein of annoyance start to form on his neck.

“There you are! I heard you were sick, but when I went to the infirmary you-!” Koujaku rambles, I start to tremble from nervousness, but then Noiz turns us to face him instead. 

...

“Y-you!!!” Koujaku says in a warrior voice. “What are you doing to him!?”

_Uh._

This is really awkward.

“What the fuck does it look like?” Noiz answers in a venomous tone. “Get lost, Old man.”

“Release him right now, you punk beansprout bastard!”

_Wow, he's a bigger idiot than you._

Yeah. Thanks brain.

“Tsk.” Noiz loudly clicks on his tongue. I can sense his growing anger, his muscles tensing. “Sorry Aoba,” he says as he gently starts putting me down. “I need to punch a face right now.”

"Bring it on, you little shit!"

But just when I'm about to get in the middle of the two, the sound of salvation.

“Koujaku! What’s going on--? Oh, hey there you guys.” Mizuki comes and then immediately realizes the nature of the situation. “Oh, oook, let’s get going, big guy.” he says and starts dragging Koujaku away.

“No! Can’t you see Aoba is in trouble! Nooo--!”

Noiz secures me in his arms again and we are on our way, Koujaku’s shouts getting farther and farther away.

“We have to thank Mizuki later...” I say as I exhale in relief.

Noiz clicks his tongue again “I really wanted to punch him, though.”

“I know… but I’m glad you didn’t.” I say, and give him a kiss on his neck… making his hair stand on end again.

And it recoiled on me because now he kisses me back and I had it coming.

***

We reach the dorm and I can finally relax myself a little more. He let me go as soon as we reach the door, and I appreciate the freedom fondly... but as I look at my cozy and nice light blue blanket, I think of Granny. 

“I’m gonna fail the exams...” I mutter to myself since skipping class is now a reality.

_Not this again._

Noiz hugs me from behind just like this morning. “You won't. I’ll help you catch up.”

That makes me perk up.

“Really?”

“Of course. You’ll get good grades.” he says. But I get skeptical.

“Trust me.”

 _Yes. Trust him. He’s a genius after_ _all._

“Are you really ok with that? I’m not a burden to you already?” I feel myself getting depressed. I'm taking too much from him.

“ _Tche_. Don’t say stupid things. I’d never offer something I wouldn’t deliver… besides,” Noiz says, loosing his annoyed tone, “you are not a burden... you might as well be the most amazing thing that happened to me.”

I think my breath hitches, he really just said that. He said the corniest thing with the straightest tone. I don't know what to say. Everything is blurry again. I can't think.

_Accept._

“Ok...” I say after a while. I’m not able to think properly, but somehow I manage to answer.

I lean back onto him. I let go, and all the pain subsides.

He hugs me tight and I can sense how he inhales deep over the crook of my neck as he feathery caresses me with his lips. I feel disarmed as l feel him trying to get me even closer to him, as if trying to breath me in. 

But now I’m afraid. Now that we are definitely staying… all kind of things will happen. I’m not ready!

_Oh for fuck's sake._

It hurts, but I ignore it. I'm not a dog, you cunt.

_I'm *still* you, you know?_

“S-Stop, Noiz.” I say, getting back and turning to face him, placing my hands flat over Noiz’s chest to keep a decent distance. I wish I could do the same in my fucking head.

Noiz doesn’t say anything for a moment, but I swear I hear him exhale tiredly.

“Why?” he finally asks, securing my hands over his chest, and stepping closer.

I don’t have a clear answer to that.

_I should just let him do whatever..._

No. We can’t. I can’t.

“It’s-- it’s too much… I never...” I say, but then I drop my head to look down. For some reason, it’s embarrassing to admit I’m a virgin.

“So what?” Noiz answers, releasing one of my hands to cup my face and making me look at him again, “Me neither.”

My heart skips a beat.

_Wow, if he is this good with no experience imagine what he’ll do once he…_

“Shut up!” I yell at myself out loud. Thanks god Noiz realizes that wasn't for him, because he ignores my words and brushes the side of my face, comforting me... and It's super effective - I lean against his palm and I feel so secure. He's too good to me.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.” he says then, and right after, he takes one of my hands, and kisses my palm. 

Seriously, too good.

_Enjoy him then, fucking Jesus Christ._

The knot at my throat is as big as it can get... I'm still afraid. I'm still fighting.

"Ok, stop. You got to stop running away from me... I'm still just a man you know." he says, piercing my eyes with his. 

My breath becomes agitated.

"Try to trust me. I won't let you down." he says and I feel disarmed all over again. I'm suddenly aware of my surroundings as if everything was put into place this same instant. The curtains are still closed, scarce sunlight gets through, only the chirping sound of birds is heard across the campus. Everybody else is at class. It’s so peaceful, so easy to let go. I think he's right. _I'm_ right. I can't keep straining myself so much. I want to be with him, get to know him, take care of him, fall completely in love with him. 

“Promise...” I say in a small voice, hoping he understands what I mean... because... I don't think I know myself.

He lets go of my hand at his chest and instead cups my face with both hands, gently smiling at me before…

“I promise,” he says and kisses me deep and slow. I forget about classes, I forget about everything. Right here, right now, is where I’m supposed to be... everything else can wait. But then he stops. "if you promise me the same in return."

"w-what?" I ask, a tittle embarrassed to admit I'm not sure what we are talking about.

"Be mine." he says and I feel my heart clench.

And It's not really a question... and perhaps is too soon, but,

"...I promise." I answer with tears threatening to come down.

And it's stupid really,

I've been already his all this time...

_I just wasn't accepting it._

 

_"...I'm so glad you finally asked."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm considering to write next chapter in Noiz Pov.  
> You'd like that?
> 
> Thank you for reading this far <3  
> Comments or kudos are much appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut incoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... so nobody answered if you’d like Noiz pov. 
> 
> Yeah...
> 
> ...I’m doing it anyway.

Yo.

As far as anyone is concerned, my name is Noiz. My real name is an inherited hindrance that only my closest family knows. As a matter of fact, my whole existence is something that only my closest family knew until they decided to drop me to this freakshow academy.

You see, I have CIPA and this is an institution that brainwashes and indoctrinates young people to fit into society and become useful liabilities. A normal college alright, with the exception that this one is special - it resides special students - and by special I mean people a little harder to get fitted in.

Just to be clearer, this is kind of a mental institution disguised as college, rehabilitating mild cases and make us less of a burden. An institution that locks up people like me somewhere else that is not home because that just became too much of a trouble than it was already, apparently.

But not any place accepted a complicated case as mine, so my parents found this place that runs under an exceptionally low budget and a corrupt as fuck rector that hides the fact that the robot nurse is malfunctioning and unregulated. Yeah, my disgustingly rich parents decided it would be too much of a lost investment to throw me into a decent place that was not ran by butthurt bastards who took advantage of the desperate families having unadapted young adults as sons and daughters.

And not only that, a place like this doesn't exist anywhere, it is on the other side of the fucking world, making me understand why months ago I was forced to learn japanese all of a sudden.

By having to arrange a special flight for me because I wasn’t fucking getting in an airplane without a fight, I ended up “beginning classes” late. Investing for getting me the hell out of their sight, _that_ was money worth spending.

I was pissed. It couldn’t get more humiliating. I couldn’t even have a room of my own in this damn place for fuck’s sake. There was no way I was staying here not even for the night, so while I was running some basic programs I found out that their security system was complete shit. What's more, the unregulated nurse network turned out to be a huge benefit for me -- I was already breaching through bank accounts in no time.

Everything was going according to my plan until my roommate makes an appearance -- the _dorkiest_ and most stubborn person they could ever find was the one they decided to make me share a room with.

We didn’t start off good - the fucker was as infuriating as he was confusing - his face would make the most varied expressions I saw in my life and would say and do the weirdest things.

But in spite it, something caught my attention and I couldn’t let go of it… he was _so_ easy to tease.

… and for some reason, I felt strangely at ease, I let my guard down and ended up staying the night in this hole.

 

Aoba was the beginning of the end of me.

This strange magnetism of him started to bothered me. It was ok to tease him sometimes, but every day after I came back from the nursery, ready to leave this shithole, he would welcome me back. Time and time again. I didn’t respond at first, ‘ _what the hell is he trying to pull off?’_ was what I thought at the time… But every fucking morning and evening, he would just greet me or welcome me back and try to talk. Every fucking day his smile became more gorgeous, his blush more tempting and his words more inviting.

At first I thought that was just his way of being and I was stupidly being pulled into a deception… but soon I discovered he acted different towards me than from the rest. He started to hang out with me more, worrying about silly stuff like what the fuck do I eat… and actually decide to ditch off the _popular kids_ for me. Even if the popular fuck was that idiot samurai that crushed him and was surrounded by everyone all the time.

But he didn’t chose him, he had taken an interest on _me_ instead -- and for the life of me I couldn’t see why the fuck.

I decided not to care and just enjoy it while it lasts at a decent distance. With time I learned that Aoba is as naive and stubborn as he is beautiful. Learning to read him was the most amusing thing to do, hearing him masturbate under my name and then try to desperately hide it was one of the most fucking arousing things to experience.

But he didn’t try to advance on that matter, he didn’t try to sex me, not even once. I assumed that he was afraid of being judged, so I played some gay porn and put us on equal terms. It didn’t go well. Then I assumed he was just shy, so I paraded naked in front of him... but other than adding more incredible expressions to the repertoire, he did nothing.

I didn’t really care because since I can’t feel, sex is more of a overrated physiological reaction that can easily be released by jerking off. Piercings help me with that matter.

But hell, if I have to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded if he wanted it... I would have fucked him any day.

… he changed that.

It’s not an option anymore. Now it’s a necessity.

\--  
So let me start again. I’m Noiz and Aoba is my boyfriend. I had a miserable life until he came along. 

The universe is a nasty place and made me be born as this incomplete being - despised by the world - but still made it so this only person took an interest on me and do nothing but try to get near me, even if I was being kind of an ass. But not only he saw something in me that nobody else could (not counting the broken robot)...

...but I can also  _feel him_

I can feel him and only him. Something _impossible_ to happen.

And that seriously freaked me out at first. 

But then, well... holy shit, it stopped being a game and became a necessity to get closer to him. Problem was, Aoba didn't stop being Aoba, even if I could feel how well he responded to me when I kissed him the first time... he kept running away from me time and time again. It was excruciating. But I endured it. I couldn’t let this freaky nonsense get the best of me.

Keeping my cool was hard as fuck, but I wasn’t the only one losing it. If possible, he was losing it at a faster rate than me. We are both freaks, him developing and alter-ego, I developing an obsession…

Whatever, I’m already bored. The only thing that matters, is that he is mine now. He finally surrendered to me as he had progressively, as each single day passed, made me surrender to him ever since we first met. Aoba changed me, feeling physically was one thing, but he also made me feel emotionally like I'd never thought it possible.

I'm falling for him hard as he was for me. It’s like a dream. Seriously, too much of a too good to be true dream.

Screw it, if that’s what it is… then please let it last forever.

 

We stumble on top of my bed, kissing as if we were the last drop of water on earth. I feel him on top of me - his warmth, his softness, his tender weight, all these sensations cloud my mind. I want him like mad, it’s difficult to stay focused, control myself, believe that this is real and I’m not waking up.

“Noiz -- I…”

His eyes are scared and longing. I can't get enough, I can read him like map... as if I could feel every little of his emotions, as if he not only gave me sense of touch but also this strange sense of knowing. Electricity runs through my spine as he hugs me tight and I want to drown myself in him. I don’t care what this is, I don’t care when it ends, I feel my chest doing the strangest things and I just say it because fuck it.

“I think I love you, Aoba.” I whisper out and feeling him tremble under my arms is incredible. I can feel his doubts, his love, his incredulity. He is scared shitless. 

“I don’t know what the fuck is happening either.” I say then and he laughs a bit, his own breath tripping over a sob. I feel my chest tighten, one more thing he makes me experiment. I caress his hair as he hides in the crook of my neck. The softness of each strand gently tickles my fingerprints.

 _“I-I think--… ...-ve you too.”_ he mutters against my skin, his words muffled. I didn’t need him to say it, but of course I like it. It’s fucking amazing.

I move him away from my neck, I want to see his face. He looks defeated in the sweetest way. His eyes glisten with the gentle sign of tears and I can’t help but feel really good because of that - for being the source of such emotions.

“Keep kissing me.” I say.

He looks at me, puzzled.

Hell, I think I said it in german.

“Heh, you are really driving me crazy.” I say in my mother tongue, now on purpose. His cheeks are flaring red as he looks down, gripping at my shirt, eyes bewildered. He is speechless and lots of mixed emotions grace his face.

It turns him on.

I make him face me again, “Kiss me.” I say with words that he can understand, deciding to save the little discovery to exploit another time. He is still flustered so I do it myself. I find his lips and stick my tongue into his mouth without reservation, earning a soft moan.

I move us further into the bed till my back hits the wall and his hips automatically find a more comfortable way to sit on top of me. I go deeper into his mouth, my hands are now on his butt, feeling his form, making him press against me even more. The sensation is incredible, I can feel his skin through the rough texture of the clothes, his warmth is something I don’t want to live without for the rest of my miserable life.

I can feel how he lets go little by little, how we follow a rhythm, every little movement promising what’s to come. I can feel my lungs burn, I’m out of breath.

“...Aoba,” I call right on top of his lips, sharing the heated air that gets in and out of our lungs. I need to ask him.

“Y-yeah, Noiz...?” he manages to answer. His arousal hits his tone of voice, and I love the way he just said my name. I want to make him cry it out.

“How far can I go?” I asks, taking a deep breath. He takes a moment to answer. I can’t stop my hands from touch him all over, keep us moving.

“How… _'far'?”_ he manages to ask back with a confused tone.

“Yeah,” I reply as I move him in a way for him to understand what I mean. “We have this problem here…” I say in a quiet voice, pressing my hips upwards and make my erection press hard against him. He automatically meets the motion with equal enthusiasm, making me feel his sweet ass rubbing me, making it more difficult, “... and I want to do all kind of things to you--” I continue, it’s getting hard to keep focused. “So what’s the limit?” I press on.

His eyes flicker and it’s like if they were trying to decide which tone to be.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he kisses me and the rhythm gets faster, pressing further down onto me. He keeps on straddling me and can easily figure out the shape of his dick pressing against my lower stomach.

I flex my knees behind his back and with a tight grip I turn us over, laying him below me, across the mattress. He’s completely flushed red, his mouth agape and his eyes wanting, waiting.

“You are not answering me.” I say, as composed as I can. He is not helping me in the slightest. He even seems to even react to my voice. “How far can I go?” I insist. He looks at me and bites on his lips. Still no answer.

“Aoba, you are making this really difficult.” I say as I bite the lobe of his ear. I can feel him shudder hard as he lets out a lewd moan.

“N-noiz...”

“Fuck, Aoba...” I let out. He will be the death of me.

I decide to try another way.

“Ok then,” I say, speaking on top of his skin. “With every kiss you let me take from you, is one more liberty I’ll take…”

 

***  
You are not letting me think, he is asking me something and I can’t fucking think.

_Don’t answer. This feels good, right? Feel him how hard he is for you, how he just pinned you down on the mattress. His sultry voice. His scent that lingers on his pillow and on top of you. Feel him embrace you all. Hear him how he speaks your name._

I moan as he bites the lobe of my ear. His scent is all over me. I feel like losing control of my own body. He speaks to me again and I can’t hear.

_Don’t answer, let him lose it. Speak his name._

“N-noiz...” I let out.

_Yeah, just like that._

“Fuck, Aoba...” I can hear him say, frustrated.

_Wow, his willpower is amazing._

Huh?

_It’s ok, I'll leave you to it._

“Ok then,” I hear Noiz say then and then starts nibbling my neck and the line of my jaw until he reaches my lips. It feels amazing. “...with every kiss you let me take from you, is one more liberty I’ll take…”

W- what...?

I look right at Noiz who looks at me back with impatient darkened eyes. I don’t understand.

“...I’ll take off your shirt completely,” he says, looking right at me. I start to slowly wake up from the daze.

He then kisses me,  
... and breaks it.

“I’ll take mine off,” he continues. He looks at me. Makes a little pause, kisses me… and breaks it.

I think I get it.

“I’ll take off your pants but leave the underwear on,”

A-ah…

Pause.

Kiss.

“I’ll touch you above your underwear,” Noiz continues, his voice relaxing, getting sultrier. I can feel his weight and his heart pumping louder against my chest to match mine; he looks at me and I still don’t answer.

Kiss.

“...I’ll put my hand under it,”

I gulp.

…  
Kiss.

“I’ll take ‘em off,”

His voice gets lower and lower by the second.

…  
He smiles against my lips.

Kiss.

“I’ll take mine off,” he says, keeping the smile. He slowly starts to move against me again. I feel like combusting.

…  
He kisses me.

“I’ll touch ourselves together,” His voice gets huskier. I can feel myself spilling pre-cum. I’m the one who kisses him then, making him groan.

But he breaks it.

“I’ll suck you,” he continues and I avert my gaze. He seriously wants to do that? My head starts to spin again.

He cups my face and makes me look at him again. “And let you taste me too,” he adds to sweeten the deal.

“I… a- _aah_ ” I stutter. I stutter cause never in my life I would think I’d be so eager to do just that.

He waits, but I let him. I close my eyes tightly.

He kisses me with a groan.

“I’ll use my fingers to open you up…-” Noiz starts again after braking the kiss not without some trouble to take his mouth away from mine.

“S-stop…!” I say after understanding where he was headed to.

Yeah, that’s it, I’m gonna have a seizure if he continues.

"My mouth then?" he continues.

Wha?

_Nothing. Don't answer. Let him kiss you. Let him. It's ok._

I feel dizzy and I don't answer. He kisses me with a smile.

“Ok, then.” he says, hand venturing at the hem of my shirt. “Let’s get started.”

I feel anxious as fuck after he says that, but then he lets his hand slip under the cloth and his hand against my bare skin is pure bliss. He incorporates, kneeling on the mattress above me and pulls my shirt completely up, leaving it rolled up at the level of my neck. Both of his hands are on me now, the piercings above his thumbs look incredibly intimidating and gorgeous.

“Your skin so fucking good...” he says under his breath as he continues to caress me all over my chest and belly, making my back arch. His incredible eyes are on me as if I was the most precious thing.

“Noiz, you are driving me crazy.” I say, and I think it’s more true than I’d care to admit. He laughs lightly and warmly at my words. He stops his ministrations all of a sudden and proceeds to takes his black tank top off, his muscles tensing in the most delicious way.

“That’s my line.” he says, and as if it was the more natural thing to do, he takes my pants off, leaving me in my underwear. I can’t really say anything, I agreed to this -- didn’t I?

_Yes._

But something bothers me nonetheless.

I really don’t like myself being so helpless and passive, so before he could get onto me again, I incorporate too, sitting over him and finish taking my own shirt off.

_That’s more like it._

_Let’s take more._

We caress all we can reach, we dig our nails, we nibble and taste, check for every little reaction, every little new experience, our likes and our limits. Every frown, hiss and moan a road map to our bodies.

All my doubts fade away and I feel more like myself now, my head clears up just to fill more of Noiz into it. I unbuckle his pants, we are at an unfair state.

 _Oh_ , if I could have only taped his face when I touched his swollen cock for the first time. The short mix of emotions running through him before returning to his composed self were precious. I take just a moment to wonder why would Noiz become such a reserved person, so difficult to read, so stoic -- something that I’ll definitely get to know.

But for now, for the dear life of me, I want to see more.

He starts to touch me too, giving a little hum that almost makes me melt. With all my might, I try not to surrender under his insistent touch before I could spring his erection free from his boxers and touch him with both my hands on his naked skin. I instantly feel every piece of metal under my palm. I drag them softly.

“Aaaahh...” he moans, first time feeling something like that in his life, he couldn’t help but fall back into his hands to keep his balance from the sudden urge to move his hips upwards.

“... _fuck_ …!” Noiz curses under his breath repeatedly, never looking away from my moving hands.

Pre-cum forms at the tip and I spread it over the head with my thumb.

“ _Nnngh._ ”

Little time passes till I know he’s close. His dick throbs inconstantly, continuing to spill precum and easing the movement. His muscles start to tense up and he grits his teeth tightly. I pump faster, I’m possessed.

_Make him cum._

_Make him cum._

“Aoba… !” he pleads. I swear that sounded like a pleading tone. He’s at the verge of himself, he can't control himself anymore, his face is desperate, I can see how he keeps clenching his jaw.

He shuts his eyes tight, his abs tense up as he arches inwards,

“ _Hhhnnnnngh-_ -!”

His dick pulsates under my palm and gushes of hot white liquid pour out, staining my fingers, his boxers and his torso at the same time he lets out the most fucking arousing moan. He climaxes under my hands.

Our breaths heave erratically. I can’t look away from the tantalizing stains all over him and me.

He collapses as he can on the bed, stretching his legs under me but keeping me in place so I don’t go anywhere.

“... so that is how it feels like…?” he says between pants. I smile at him but I don't know if he saw me. Slowly beginning to open his eyes again, the sweet moments of the afterglow slowly fade away and he raises a bit. After looking as his tainted chest, he takes some of his own cum with a finger as if it was the most natural thing to do. I wanna die right here, I'm helplessly distracted by his action.

“Wanna taste?” he asks with a devilish grin.

_Yes._

I didn’t answer, but as he had telepathy and knew about what I wouldn’t care to admit, he sucks his own finger and kisses me just like that, sharing the bitter flavor.

_Hn._

He stops and proceeds to lick my hand clean and shares it with me again. I feel dizzy, drunken, my erection hurts.

“Your turn now.” he says and quickly lays me in bed once again, kissing my neck, leaving a hot wet trail that goes further and further down. I’m anxious, I’m nervous, I’m excited all at the same time.

He takes off the last piece of cloth I was wearing and I’m completely exposed to him. I don’t care anymore, I just want to cum. I need to.

My body trembles as his mouth gets further south. I can’t stop recreating the way he came in my hands again and again. I want him, need him so much right now. But instead of going where I needed him the most, he raises my legs up and in an instant, I feel his mouth much further down, he licks my entrance and the sensation is something I never felt before. I grip at the sheets for dear life of me. I can’t complain, I can’t do shit. You fucker, this is your fault!

_Yeah, thank me later. This is so fucking good._

His tongue slips inside me and I’m watching stars, I feel my body convulse erratically, everything goes white, I'm cumming like never in my life.

My moans resound in the whole room as I finally lose it.

“You… you came dry, just like that...” Noiz says, incredulous. It's hard, but I try my best to open my eyes and watch him. His eyes are the darkest I’ve seen --  a chill runs my spine, increasing the delicious moments of the afterglow. I don’t know what happened to me, I didn't think it was possible... but as soon as I start regaining consciousness and be aware of the embarrassing thing he just did to me, he presses his fully erect dick against my overly sensitive one.

He grabs my hand and makes me pump us together, his hand on top of mine.

“W-Wait!! Over.. stim.. Aah!!” I try to stop him, the overstimulation makes me squeal helplessly, even if I wasn't touched before, the orgasm made it so nonetheless.

But he doesn’t stop and I’m too weakened. Anyhow, soon enough I don't have anything to complain about, the sensation transforms again and I’m all over the edge again. He pants over me, we kiss messily. I can feel every single bead brushing against me, I can see his desperate face as we increase the pace.

“Aoba, Aoba, Aoba...” I can hear him moan my name. I’m seeing stars. I’m going mad. Pink elephants could come dancing in front of my eyes and I couldn’t give a fuck.

_“Ah-- ah! Ah! _Noiz!_ ”_

_“Aoba!”_ I hear my name again.

_Wait, that wasn't Noiz's voice._

“Aoba!!! You alright!? I’m coming in!!!”

 

 _Slam._ \- cheap lock trespassed.

 

Koujaku to my rescue.

 

I can feel my face getting drenched with warm liquid. 

“Koujaku you slippery motherfuck---er...” Mizuki arrives too, just to witness me still spasming and cumming gently. Of course we are in the fucking bed closer to the damn door.

 

Koujaku’s fucking nose starts to bleed.

 

I hiccup in embarrassment, tears already forming.

I pass out.  
~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you thought this was becoming a serious fic?
> 
> Think again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing with this fic anymore.  
>    
>  _ ~~(apparently I had posted the uncorrected version of the previous chapter and mistakenly deleted the polished ver.~~_  
>  _ ~~I’m very sorry for the typos, grammar errors and the *cough* well, non-consented rimming.~~_  
>  _ ~~It's all corrected now.)~~_  
> 

Noiz’s blood boils through his veins, trembling in anger and eyes widened in outrage. He stands up, his erection is yet to subside but he doesn’t care the tiniest bit -- seeing Aoba in a state like that, fainting out of mortification, is what made all his self control come to an end.

That’s the moment when I come along.

“Stop.” I say, holding him still. “I’ll handle it.”

It’s been so long since I’ve taken over, it feels strange. Exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. But anyway, I’m perfectly persuasive so I calm him down instantly. Well, maybe I used a little Scrap, whatever.

I give him a quick kiss that leaves him frozen in place and as I stand up, I proudly show off my dirty state of being. Noiz stays completely still, blankly watching my every movement as I stride towards the door where the two idiots are made out of stone. As if I were fucking Medusa.

Time to crack some statues.

Well, I _could’ve_ been more gentle, really, but watching how the gross samurai’s eyes slowly started to fall down to my pudend parts... it’s what does it, I punch the fucking hell out of that idiot intruding bastard, holy shit, and then shut the door close on his very face.

Fucking SLAM.

I can _feel_ how puzzled Mizuki is from the other side. Yeah, a little late this time, buddy, but thanks. How come Mizuki is so nice anyway.

“Y-yeeh… he deserved it --” I can hear him say and then shout, ignorant of the fact I was still behind the door. “Don’t worry guys! We won’t say anything!!” And then the awful sound of a heavy bulge being dragged along.

“C’mon, we’ll get to see the cute nurse!” Mizuki keeps on talking to unconscious Koujaku. Heh. So Mizuki likes Clear.

He better watch his step.

Anyway, now I have more important matters to attend.

“Hey.” Noiz says as I come close, he is sitting at the edge of the bed, visibly more relaxed... he very clearly enjoyed watching me punching that face. Is that a contented smile what I see?

“Hey to you too.” I say and sit on top of him. I’m so proud of myself.

He holds me so I don’t fall from his lap, and then starts peeling off sticky strands of hair out of my face. We are both limp by now and my groin just rests on top of his, without giving any fuck. We are a little sticky... Aoba would be so grossed out. Noiz finishes pulling my hair behind my ear and then rests his palm against my back, it feels very nice.

“So who are you?” he then asks after a quiet moment of us just appreciating each other. It ticks me, but then I realize, there’s not the slightest hint of rejection or wariness in Noiz’s voice. 

“Why, I’m Aoba’s desire, thanks for asking.” I say as I lick out the fingers of his dirty hand that was still drenched in cum. He doesn't object at all, what's more, he takes pleasure in what should maybe take him aback at least a little bit.

“Is he alright?” he asks as he half closes his eyes in enjoyment of my ministrations. 

I wince a little. “Hmm… maybe?” I answer and immediately proceed to bite his lower lip, provocative, hoping to have some reaction.

He just lets me.

I don’t know why but I don’t like that. He lets me kiss him and it pisses me off. It pisses me off a lot and I don’t understand why the fuck.

“Would you just let me do whatever with you?” I spit out. This is no good, I’m losing my temper already.

“You are still Aoba, aren’t you?”

He is casual as ever, still caressing my back. A pool of anger starts to accumulate at the pit of my stomach.

“I’m nothing like him.” I snarl. I attempt to get away, but he grabs onto me, not letting me. He ignores what I say, ignores my anger, everything, he just grabs me, completely regardless of what I’m capable of.

“You are not new in all this...”

"No shit, Sherlock." I say with a condescending tone. I scowl deeply, I hate the fact of how he seems to read me right away, no one did that before. It makes me feel like a vulnerable little fuck and that doesn't suit me at all.

I attempt to get away but he still doesn't let me.

Doesn’t he know I can get off in an instant? How much I could hurt him? 

I grit my teeth, my vision starts to blur... but for some reason, instead of punching him like I ought to, I start a fucking confession.

“No, I’m not new to this.” I spit out as if the words were dragged out of me. “Last time he pushed me away for a really long time... but now he called up again, he doesn't even know. Ugh. He would just break down from stress if it weren't for me. He's such a twat. ”

Noiz hums, weighing my answer. I’m at a loss at reading his expression. Why am I being a fucking pussy, anyway!?

“Thank you.” he says then.

"Th-thank you!?"

"For taking care of him."

That does it.

Anger and disgust is written all over my face. I just want to hurt him, destroy him, see if he is so calm then.

I dig my nails in his flesh and he is forced to let go of me out of shock. He is surprised, pained and amazed. I'm reminded of the power I have over him him and it fills my veins as an aphrodisiac. I decide to channelize my anger in what I do best: be a patronizing and sadistic bitch.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, I’m not babysitting anyone. I just wanted to get out again, not be locked down like a disgusting mangy cur anymore, that's all.”

Noiz scowls a bit and lets his wounds alone. Oh, so he's finally having some reaction. Yeah, that’s right, now hear this, see how much you like it.

“Ah, yes... and by the way, your precious Aoba is not really a virgin, you know? Oh no, you are not the first to taste him, bunny boy."

he narrows his eyes. I'm getting to him.

"I think every single hole has been fucked already." I say with a demonic smile that never fails to freak out anyone that sees it.

"I don't care." he says. He is still scowling, disapproval written all over his face... just to say me _that_?

W _hat?_

"Tche. Are you even listening? I fucked _everyone_. I did drugs, stole shit... made everyone's life unbearable. That’s why Granny threw me to this dump, just so I couldn't destroy everything again!”

“...”

"For fuck’s sake! Don’t you care about what I did? I’m a slut, I got Aoba in trouble so many times!”

Noiz sighs tiredly. A vein pricks on my neck.

“So?”

I snap, I pin him down on the bed he didn’t even deign to rise from. I’m so eager to punch some sense into him.

“How come you don’t fucking care!?” I snarl and shake him.

“That's the past. You are with me now.” he answers calmly.

I grit my teeth and I hiss like a fucing snake. “You mean with Aoba. You want Aoba, not me, you little piece of shit!”

“I want you too.”

I slap him. Like a bitch slap kind of slap but way more violent.

His face is torn to the side and the exact shape of my fingers start to paint his face with red stripes.

But then something… didn’t seem quite alright. A small deviant smile crosses his side profile.

“Pain.” he mutters, and he says it with so much longing and satisfaction. He looks back at me, a few tears form on his eye fall down out of the harm inflicted.

“What the hell _are_ you!?” I ask in a yell, placing my hands on his throat. He contains me as he can.

“The same as you.” he manages to answer. He fights for air, lack of oxygen quickly weakening his strength. “A pitiful, unwanted fucker.... Locked up, despised. More trouble than what it’s worth. Hhg.”

He attempts to continue talking, but no words come out. He hisses and groans out of frustration for his missing strength.

I stop exerting force down his neck and he breathes in in relief. I let his words sink in and I feel out of myself, out of my element - I let my guard down and he immediately takes advantage of that -- he takes my hands off his neck and entwine our fingers.

I feel like throwing up.

“Only a weirdo like Aoba would want somebody like that.” Noiz says with a defeated half smile, voice hoarse. “...So I’ll be the weirdo that wants you back..." He pauses, "All what you are.”

That....

crushes me.

I think I never cried in my whole existence, but here I am, letting tears flow down like a pathetic puss. Not even half an hour has passed and this brat has already disarmed me beyond comprehension. I hate him for transforming me into this weakling. But then he hugs me tight and I feel like drowning on my own contradictory feelings. We are naked and dirty and stupid and I can’t get enough, I want him to press harder on me, suffocate under his grip, get lost in his embrace. I want to scream my lungs out.

But I just weep on top of his chest, letting his raged heart be the best lullaby for someone like me. Someone like... _me_.

“You can't want _me_. I don’t... _exist,_ Noiz.”

Noiz lets out an annoyed breath, not stopping his tight embrace.

“You are right here.” he says.

“...I’m a fragment of Aoba’s mind. I'm not _real_.”

I can feel his faint shrug.

“What’s the difference?”

He is bullshitting me.

“The fuck you mean, Noiz.”

“Sigh. What's real, what isn't… does it matter? We are right here.”

I incorporate so I can lock eyes with him. What is he high with?

He continues.

“So what if _either_ of us real? What if we are a fragment of someone else's mind? Voices creating a world inside someone's head or the vivid imagination of someone playing a game or reading a story. Who cares? We are right here, feeling, talking. It may end any time, so why not just enjoy it while it lasts?”

...

He’s losing it.

Aoba was right about the ventilation system.

“Noiz…” I speak his name, not knowing what the hell to say after that.

But Aoba chooses this exact moment to wake up.

Great.

_W-wha? What’s going on? What are all these feelings!? N-Noiz? Is this Noiz’s chest!? What's happening!?_

I can feel him flushing even from back there. Such a dork.

“He’s awake.” I mutter, on top of Noiz chest.

_Wha?_

_D-did I say that? This feels so weird! What’s going on?_

“... and he’s confused as fuck.”

_U--uuuu… stop doing that!!_

The headache starts to pungently increase. Damn Reason, please let me stay for a while longer.

_Who's 'Reason'!??_

The pain doesn’t cease. I'm sure he doesn't know how, but he begins to reveal and display the images of what happened while he was out and panics even further.

It fucking hurts.

Noiz hugs me tight again. I couldn't hear any of his words until now.

“It’s Ok, Aoba.” he coos.

And it’s almost like magic. The pain subsides after he hears his calming voice. He is so in love it’s cloying.

But it doesn't last long. I don’t have much time.

_OH MY GOOOOOD!!_

Oh, he arrived to the part that I tried to kill him.

“Sorry for slapping you and trying to kill you.” I mutter before I’m dragged out. I don’t feel like putting up a fight.

“ _Psh_. You weren’t really trying.”

I smile. The brat makes me smile and my chest feels warm and cozy.  “ _Ouch_. Ugh. I have to go. Okay, brat... I uh, whatever, if I cease to exist... you better miss me, okay?”

What a fucking corny thing to say.

I kick myself mentally for it.

Aoba takes over.

~~  
Noiz's fully widened eyes are the first thing I see as I regain control of my body. I breathe as if I had been under water for the longest time, I feel like choking, vomiting all at the same time. I slip away from Noiz grasp and get the fuck away into a corner. What the hell was that face all about?

I whine.

“What the hell is happening?” I squeal pathetically.

I’m tired of asking the shit over and over.

Noiz squats beside me and waits. He doesn't have an answer, so he waits for me. But it doesn’t matter how much time passes, I don’t attempt to even take my hands away from my face. My gross face. I have dried cum all over myself and I don’t understand if I should be fucking petrified about that or rather about how fucked up I am or about Noiz and my alter ego's weird conversation, oh my god.

I keep whining.

“Noiz… I’m so fucked up.”

He doesn’t deny it, he stays right beside me, just listening.

"It's okay."

"It's not okay!" I snap, rejecting his hand trying to hold mine.

More images come to mind, memories that I never thought possible, filling up the gaps. Year long gaps. How could I? How could you?! But inside my mind there is silence. No one is there to answer all the whys. I feel vacuum on my chest threatening to consume me.

"He's gone!" I cry out. Why am I so sad about it? He is the one who fucked up my life!

"You are the same person, he's not gone unless you make it so."

"How would you know!?"

I keep crying like a bitch, all I feel is guilt. If that's true, if we are the same person... it's all my fault. Everything.

“I hurt Granny so much. I’m so horrible...!”

"You are not."

"I'm the worst...!"

"Stop it."

"It's all my fault!"

“Ok, shut the fuck up!” Noiz says, his voice louder than mine.

“Sh-shut up!?”

I stop crying. What the fuck, shut the fuck up? How come he is shutting me up!?

“Come on let’s take a bath.” he says, standing up and pulling me up.

“Nooouu” I squirm. I want to keep in fetal position, let me stay in fetal position! And don’t shut me up, for fuck’s sake. I deserve being in pain.

He continues to try pull me up but I refuse.

“Yes, you are coming with me.” he says, not a question. He doesn’t give me a choice, but I still pull on a fight. 

“Stop fighting.”

I keep fighting.

“Be with me, Aoba.”

I feel my face heat up. I stutter between the different emotions I somehow ought to feel, I can’t decide. Being insane is draining me. I can’t handle this. 

_...please don’t lose him. _

My shoulders drop.

“You are here.” I say outloud. I regain my composure a bit and Noiz just drags me.

I let him. I let him pull me to the bathroom. I don't deserve him. He's too good for me.

 

He opens the tap and while waiting to the water to heat up, he cups my face with his two hands and starts to kiss me as I sob gently. I’m feel fragile, inside me, there is this deep melancholy and nostalgia linked to what I feel are all the missing fragments in my life, when I was younger. 

Noiz brushes the sides of my face as the tub fills up. "Stop overthinking." he says and kisses me gently. "Just be with me."

I remember what he said to Desire. That he was just like him before, that the past doesn't matter. I can almost feel his pain too and I want to reassure him too as he does me. If he accepts me like this, I can accept him too.

We bathe together, wash each other’s back and hair tenderly until our fingertips are turned into raisins. We don't say a word but somehow we convey everything.

After a while, we wash off, dry up and go rest. We keep silent like that for an hour or so, laying in my bed with just a ai of boxers on, under my silly blanket.

But then I can't help but to start thinking again.

"I'm fucked up, Noiz..."

"Everyone here is."

"I'm being serious."

"Me too."

...

So we get to talk. We talk a lot. He tells me all about this institution, about his work, about his past. He tells me about how he’d been locked up all his life and how his family feels towards him, what he felt towards me when we first met, how he planned on leaving the place, how incredible it was for him to be able to feel me...

From my side, I tell him all about me too. I can feel Desire let go of more images of my past so I share them, I tell all about it, how I was a delinquent, how I much I disappointed Granny time and time again, how rejected that part of me was.

Our fingers entwine with each other and the grip gets tighter with each emotionally driven memory, letting me know he was listening, feeling me, accepting me in all I am.

If it was only possible, I would stop time right now, with his gorgeous eyes looking right back at me, so close we were almost cyclops, our legs entwined, hands holding each other and our noses barely touching. I want to keep it this way forever, let go of anything else, past and future. Just the two of us existing in a pool of nothing else.

He is so close to me I can smell his clean scent of shampoo, feel his warmth against me, his hands slowly starting to tease my skin, his eyes getting darker, his breath getting quicker.

"S-stop." I say, in spite of my body wanting the exact opposite.

"What's wrong?"

“Let’s… wait some more.” I say.

Noiz's mouth opens and then closes... and after a moment, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“If that’s what you want.” he says and I thank him.

I snuggle against him and the next thing I know... I'm waking up at sundown.

Time had relentlessly went on without any concern for my previous wish, and as it continues to tick by, all the concerns we ought to occupy ourselves with, start to arise. There are things I need to do that life demands of me… like making sure Mizuki’s word was true and thank him... having something to eat and drink...  check if Koujaku was not too hurt. Study!

Noiz’s scowl of jealousy when I express minimum concern towards Koujaku is precious. I feel bad, I shouldn’t have liked that at all... but it still makes my heart all fluttery.

We go to the infirmary and Clear tells us Koujaku is alright, he was discharged a while ago. That's a tough guy... my fist still hurts.

I still enjoy Noiz's jealousy showing up his face every time his name is pronounced.

But what's what people say? Yeah, karma is a bitch. The moment Clear is done with his work and oh so lovingly throws himself at Noiz, singing how much his love is so and stealing off of him this tiny smile... I feel like dirt.

“I can’t believe you are jealous of a robot.” he laughs, reading right through me. This is payback.

“Shh! I told you to stop calling him that! And shame on you, I can’t believe you are jealous of _Koujaku_.”

Clear comes hugs _me_ now as he scowls, pursing his lips the tiniest bit. It's like his kryptonite.

“He’s still trying to _rescue_ you from me.” he says. And it's true. _Every fucking day._

“And what, you think he can?” I retort with one brow raised up.

He lets out a throaty sound. Out of anything to say, he scowls and his pout is so adorable I just have to go and plant a kiss on them.

“Don’t be silly, there’s no chance I will allow anybody dare rescue me.”

Clear beams.

 

So our boyfreindship starts. Hiding from teachers, hiding from my friends, hiding from the security cameras. Hiding in general. But it’s okay. I can act stupid and crazy if I want, Noiz told me what kind of this place is, so it couldn't be more perfect.

So even if at the beginning we are no more than dorks trying to relationship in a disguised mental institution, we act like grown ups all the same. We talk everyday, he helps me with my studies and I prepare decent meals for us to eat. Our trust grows more and more and it seems bottomless. Jealousy starts to become a laughable matter.

Many days pass just like that and it's bliss.

But something starts to bother me... insistently. Desire starts talking again inside my head and with him he brings back something that I didn’t want to admit it was bothering me so much.

So, it's Sunday evening, we are laying in my bed, I’m reading a book and Noiz types away what's incomprehensible gibberish on his laptop. I get impatient all of a sudden, feeling extremely uncomfortable and awkward all of a sudden.

I blurt out the words.

“I-is my body weird?”

His fingers stop all movement, the never ceasing ticking sound coming to a sudden end. The silence embraces me... and it mortifies me.

“What are you talking about?”

I flinch at his tone of voice.

_It's okay, keep talking._

"Would you... prefer if I was a ...girl?"

Noiz places his laptop on top of the nightstand, dropping some of my stuff to the floor without any concern for it.

"What the fuck makes you think that?" Noiz is kind of pissed off.

Uhh...

_Come on, let it all out._

“A-ah… well… you don’t… touch me… like that... so,”

I can’t bring myself to say more than that. Agonizing silence happens until Noiz speaks again.

“You asked me not to."

“I... I know, but... you didn't even try...”

“Fucking Jesus.”

Now he’s fully pissed off.

He takes my book away and throws it to the side. I’m about to complain out of reflex but now he's on top of me with a really intimidating scowl so I didn't dare.

“You make me wait and wait and then you bring me that? That I don’t want you enough?”

_Oh you are in so much trouble._

I gulp.

Y-you told me to speak!!

_And thank goodness I did._

Noiz almost rips my shirt off.

“Ow.” I exclaim as it tug at my ear painfully as it was taken off. Tears start to form at the commissure of my eyes, but not because of pain… but out of how flustered Noiz is making me feel with such an overwhelming reaction.

“Do you even know the power you have towards me?” he says and right then, he pinches a nipple, twisting the sensitive bud between his fingers. It makes me arch helplessly, all the sensations, all the need and pent up sexuality come all crashing in my body at once. His touch feels incredible I can't get enough.

_Fuck, that's better._

Now _I properly exist._

Noiz leans and takes my other nip inside his mouth, the wet sensation already making my eyes go upwards.

“You are fucking cruel, Aoba.” he speaks against my skin, making my hair stand on end all over my body.

_Oh, you better apologize._

“I-I’m sorry.” I say as I can, yet not fully understanding why I'm apologizing, to be honest. My mind is elsewhere.

Noiz stops teasing my nipples and kisses me deeply, desperately, hotly. I meet his tongue with mine, hungry and immediately drunken.

“Let’s go all the way.” he says… and I can’t possibly deny him.

 

I really want this.

 


End file.
